Well, looks like I will be on my own tomorrow, at least physically. I will have a pic of the kids, and my long list of friends and family, near and far, with me.
I have been working myself up for this for most of the day. Not crying, just going over other's threads, advice, my notes, possible scenarios and scripts. I have to pick the kids up in 1/2 hour.
When I dropped the kids off today, I saw H at the top of his stairs, and didn't feel anything at all. I think I saw him wave out of the corner of my eye as I was driving away, but not sure. Told the kids that I hope they have a good time.
I'll be organized tomorrow, wearing my "suit of armour" (business dress, make-up and hair) and have my love's token tucked around my sleeve (pics and names) for good luck. I feel like I am going into battle. It makes me so sad to think that it has come to this, and I hope that I am only over-reacting to what is about to happen. But I would rather be prepared for the worse than blind-sided like last week.
This is not the man I married. He is a stranger to me.
Maybe he was right, and this is the way it had to be, for me to finally be able to let go. Perhaps that has driven his choices as he struggled to be free. He said once that I wouldn't stop until the final D papers were in front of me. He has been looking for a way to make it over for a while, and I think he found it.
OT wrote this to Heimlich:
Quote:
This is a boundary: "I will not keep the door open on my M if I learn W sleeps with OM."
Sure, you can share that boundary with W.
But, ask yourself what it tells her? She already knows you don't want her f*cking some other guy. So that isn't new info. But, it does tell her precisely what to do if you won't get the h*ll out of her sh*t and give her the space she needs. So, the next time she wants more space, you will have told her exactly what to do to get it: go f*ck OM and let you find out.
"I think she was relieved when I started to get more distance and started seeing other people. I don't think I gave her enough breathing room, but we did get along really well. "
Hmmm. So, W had to get D to get the space she wanted. Perhaps the D would not have been necessary if she had more space during S. JustMe couldn't give her that space without the D and without dating. But, it is possible to give someone space without dating or getting a D. It is simply a matter of whether you choose to do it or not.
I hope that I can learn from that and finally give H the space he needs. He has said that, because I didn't/couldn't give him that space right after the bomb in Nov, it "drove" him to the affair, and has told others that there were no other way that this could have happened. I abhor that statement, but it makes alien-sense when viewed through the above quote.
I haven't told H what my boundaries are, when I will throw in the towel. But I think that I have, in a sense. I am ready to start a new chapter in my life. The (small) part that he will play is parallel-parent and child support. I really don't even need another friend right now, although that may change someday. ****
A question that I still have:
If we all need to learn to become detached, what is it that binds people together when it does work? Is interdependence a bad thing?
