Thoughts on phone calls

[BryanS]

Thought of one more thing, I wasn't pissed or rude either time she's refering to. I was polite and calm and normal but not falling all over myself to encourage her. That's kind of bothering me about this. She wants me to be her biggest cheerleader, her BFF, and oh BTW, did you get the divorce papers I had notarized and mailed to you? I have to sit back, let her tell me over and over again how this is not going to work, how it's too little too late, how I can't maintain the changes for any length of time, all the while holding 110% cheerfulness in her eyes. The minute that falls to 95%, the minute it feels anything less than the absolute best I can give, I sound annoyed and she wants to cut back talking to me.

I know there's nothing I can do about it, I know it's something I just have to go through because I've already made up my mind that I want this woman and this marriage, it just feels good to vent about the unfairness of it all sometimes.

And yes, I did get the notarized divorce papers in the mail. I knew they were there but I waited to pick them up until this morning becuase I knew it was going to take me a couple of hours to get over the shock and I didn't want to do it before bed last night. So they sat out in the mailbox.