Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I think I'm the type of person who just needs to know everything no matter how ugly it is. I need to wrap my mind about things, understand them, and in dealing with it it will lose it's importance and the power over me. It's like... expose the wound so the air gets to it and it can heal.... or CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy).... exposure to uncomfortable or upsetting stimuli until it becomes bearable (I have a child with OCD so I'm pretty well versed in CBT!).
I just know that not knowing (and having a huge imagination) doesn't seem to work. He's claims to be long over it, but I still have some sharp triggers. I have been trying to let things go, not ask questions and not talk about it... but there seems to be things I'm not healing from and this concerns me. I feel like I stuff things and don't think about them, but then something will happen and it all comes to the surface and I start questioning him and he just gets angry... like he's going to have to deal with this forever. But then he never really answers any questions. He won't tell me things because he "doesn't feel it will help." So I don't know how it ended, why it ended when it ended, what exactly happened, what was good about it, what was bad about it, what he truly felt for her, etc......
I wish there was a way I could just cut this part of my brain out so I didn't have to deal with it....
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
