The term "brittle" may not even be used anymore. But back then it meant that regardless of how strict she stayed with her diet...anything could make her sugar go haywire.....her monthly period could send her nearly over the top. That is what the hospital staff could not understand and would acuse her of eating candy or something....and treat her so shamefully. But like I said, I've not heard that term used much anymore. Kids go through a long period that they want to pretend they don't have diabetes, b/c they want to be like the other kids and don't want to be different.....but mostly they don't want to accept the fact this is something that is not going to go away and they are going to go to bed with it and wake up with it. I don't know how parents handle it with very small children! My D is on an insulin pump now....it has saved her life. She was about to die every month when she would have her period, but the doctor was afraid to do a hysterectomy on her due to the risk factor. However, we finally found a woman doctor that did it and shortly afterwards she got the insulin pump.....and has done better about keeping her out of the hospital. I have seen her sugar go up to almost 700 and the doctors would be astonished that she was not unconscious! I also learned that they could actually walk around and be in a "diabetic comma"....which I did not realize. I thought a comma was where they were like....none responsive...but there is such a thing as a level of diabetic comma (according to what I was told) to where they don't really realize what they are doing and don't remember it....but somebody can lead them around and tell them what to do. This happen during one of my D's big rebellion periods and she was not living at home.....it was almost too late when someone found her and got her to ER.
The hardest thing for me to see her, as an adult, is the fact that she smokes! Has since she sneaked around as a teen and did it. It is like holding a gun to her head....but she won't stop. The only time she ever stopped was while she was pregnant with her only child (a miracle baby!) and then when she started back....I cried myself sick. But, I can't make her stop....nobody can. That is one of those things we have to turn over to the Lord. She has told many people that the only reason she is alive today is due to the prayers that have gone up on her behalf....and she is right about that! She still doesn't eat the type of diet she should, but again, nobody can force her to do that. Everyone is truely surprised that she is still alive after so many years of her body being put through so much. She has other complications the disease has caused and she has had sugeries from her eyes down to her toes. I can't even remember them all. But.....she is still here...alive, and I thank God for that.
She was staying with us recovering from surgery when she discovered my messages to the OM on the computer. She never said a word. Even after I tried to bring it up about her dad and I having problems, she never mentioned it. Finally, she told me that she knew about OM before her dad did. I wanted to die! She had read all the sexual fantasy stories I had written to him and all my email and IM. Although it was wrong of her to read my personal mail, I was too humilitated to feel anger toward her. When she calls the house it is usually to talk to her dad. She is not ugly toward me or even cold, but I think I have disappointed her greatly. I was her Sunday school teacher for many years and I let her down. For so many of her teen years she was mad at God and thought Christians (except for a very few) were all fake....I have wondered if she will think that about me now. I have not talked anymore about the OM to her, but just have tried to live out my life in front of her, hoping that time will heal any pain I have caused. I truely think she has forgiven me, and she said she knew that I was just human and that her dad had not given me much attention the past several years, but also she thought...in her words....that her dad "worshipped me". I wonder if she will get over the disappointment. I think if it had been my mother......Oh Lord....I would have been awful! Maybe I raised her up to be a pretty good girl after all! Hope so.
Lin, I know it worries you about your H. You have been through so much in the past. I pray that he will take better care of himself once he is able to get his hands on whatever he chooses. Sometimes, adults are worse than the kids.....at least we can discipline children! Well......those smaller than us. lol
Take care, Sweetie, and I'll talk at ya later.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
