It's an extreme bullying tactic. Some people will do things for you and if you don't comply, they take it away. It's control. He has created the problem. The sooner you go dark and NEVER HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH HIM, the quicker he will see his mistake in how this was handled. If he wants a r with his son, he will have to figure out how to repair the damages. If he doesn't, the bastard has no place in the young boy's life.
My first ex, is seeing this now and is scrambling w/o any knowledge on how to repair the years of very little involvement in my children's lives. They attempted a r and he was controlling. He helped my S18 open a checking account. He closed it after a couple of weeks saying that S had become overdrawn and they were charging his acct. Son says no, this didn't happen. I believe S didn't pay him the attention he wanted and closed it to be an ass. Control. Any other person would have discussed it with S first. This is from a man who is at least a week late with meager child support causing me to overdraw, etc. We will open one for him at my bank next week.
Let him go. It hurts you and S more to dwell on his antics. Move forward as soon as you can and keep a PMA. Now, my kids and I try to find a little humour. We sometimes even feel sorry for him. But we move forward. Life gets better but WE have to make it happen. Why do any of us tolerate their abuse.
Mickey
Mickey, you have a much better way of putting things than I do! LOL
Not at all BH. I talk waaaay too much. But it is sweet of you to so that. To hell with him is the same thing. We girls just tend to discuss the WAY to get there. We have all suffered abuse from them in some way. It becomes habitual and we fail to see it for what it truly is. Control and abuse.
Mandy, this does hurt your son. But he can deal with it and heal and WILL become stronger. Both my children have been hurt twice. We acknowledge the hurt and move forward. My kids are as happy now as I have seen them in a long time. At 16 and 18 we could be dealing with insolence and rebellion. Had a little a few weeks ago, but I stayed steady and said my prayers. I have the time to focus on them w/o any one else's crap.
My S encourages me to date. I will be hard pressed to let anyone else into our lives right now. They are so delightful and are listening to me more than ever. No back talk or argument.
Braveheart and Mickey, I again thankyou for your replies, yes we have gone very dark on this ass, no contact with either of us since beginning of April, only sighting of him was at the courthouse and the only contact to son was via the birthday card, I for one could never see me not having contact with my son for 5 months, and yes you are right son doesn't seem to be bothered he says if his dad can do this to him then he isn't a dad, and he vows never to do anything like this to his kids, we are just so wanting to get our own place but the authorities over here are so darned slow. So yes it's true we also think to hell with him, but why can't he leave us alone, he indeed as created this, he was the one that walked he is the one that has got himself married to the biggest bike walking, why doesn't he get on with it and leave us alone, at least one thing for sure when we have left here there is nothing left for him to control us with, he as taken everything from us that he could and we can only wait until she dumps him to see him with nothing and no-body, what a complete waste of a man he is.
He is still into the control. Nasty man. He can't be nice to you so the only contact he can have is nasty. Negative attention to some is better than no contact.
Take your control back. Start by saying, 'We have gone dark on him' instead of saying he has had no contact with either of you. You don't want him.
Mandy, I'm sorry he's still acting like the horse's behind. Until you have moved out of his home, he will continue to hammer at you. He wants you out of is home pronto. If he's cut the cable service, don't be surprised if the electric and water are next. It's time for you and your son to move. Actually, I'm not surprised that he's not brought the constable in to have you evicted for all of the neighbors to see. That may very well be his last triumphant card he plays.
Have you found a place to live yet? It's time to take back your life and move on. I know that you still have some feelings for this bloke, but you've got to open your eyes up wider and come t realize that he's not the man you knew. He's married now and with that comes a wife and I imagine that they both want you gone out of their lives period, but that won't happen with a son in the mix. Although, I suspect he's not going to be around much for his son and this is extremely sad.
Mandy, take your life back, find a place to live and just let go of this man completely. Your son will grow up to be a wonderful man. His sorry @ss father doesn't realize the times he's missing w/his son, but that's okay. This man will reap what he sows along the way.
Take care of yourself and your son.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Mandy, I'm sorry he's still acting like the horse's behind. Until you have moved out of his home, he will continue to hammer at you. He wants you out of is home pronto. If he's cut the cable service, don't be surprised if the electric and water are next. It's time for you and your son to move. Actually, I'm not surprised that he's not brought the constable in to have you evicted for all of the neighbors to see. That may very well be his last triumphant card he plays.
Have you found a place to live yet? It's time to take back your life and move on. I know that you still have some feelings for this bloke, but you've got to open your eyes up wider and come t realize that he's not the man you knew. He's married now and with that comes a wife and I imagine that they both want you gone out of their lives period, but that won't happen with a son in the mix. Although, I suspect he's not going to be around much for his son and this is extremely sad.
Mandy, take your life back, find a place to live and just let go of this man completely. Your son will grow up to be a wonderful man. His sorry @ss father doesn't realize the times he's missing w/his son, but that's okay. This man will reap what he sows along the way.
Take care of yourself and your son.
Mandyloo, snodderly is right, he isn't going to change, he will not be there or his son, he will continue being a horse's ass to you. My advice is to do some decorating to the house before you leave, I would be happy to give you some pointers on that! Move out, get your own place, and ignore him totally.
thankyou all for your replies, we don't have a home to move to as yet, apparently I am near the top of the housing list with the authorities, but it is all so slow. we don't shed tears anymore for xh, we've come to realise that he is indeed an ass and someone we don't want in our lives, both son and me have said we could be his friend but that is all.Snodderley can I just say that in one of my threads you pointed out that in a year or so he would start looking at what he has done, do you not think that now, it was maybe about september time you wrote that, not that we are wanting him back we just want him to stop being so bloody nasty to the two people that never did him any wrong, why is it that he is still taking it out on us two, could it be that he doesn't like it that we can survive without him, who is he going to take it out of once we have moved and he can't find us?
just a quickie to say we are still here, went away for the weekend last week and really enjoyed it, all is quiet once again but then again it usually goes quiet before the next storm. I went to my lawyers last week and we are now serving xh with some papers and sending him a court date, I would think that this will really get his back up seen as though I have now decided to play him at his own game. hard lines for him I say I will not go down without at least fighting for what I can for my son. wonder if he will be as shocked as I was when he served me with notice to get out. I still think it is all so sad and especially the fact that he doesn't even try contacting his kid, what a total tool.
