Quick update, heard or seen nothing of xh, can't say I want to at this time. This is about the luck I have in life, last weekend me and my girl friends all went to spain for the weekend, there are fella's out there gagging for it and I had to wonder to myself how many of them are actually married or in relationship's back home, but the luck of it was the one I pulled actually admitted he was in a midlife crisis, one of my freinds knew him from a long time ago and she commented on how he had changed, how he had got all the piercing's and he actually said "yes I know I am in a mid-life crisis, and the awful thing is I just can't get myself out of it" to that I said well thanks but I think I can do without you in my life at the present time, so I didn't hang around to hear anymore, but found it strange that although to us this man appeared normal and sociable he actually knew he was going through this.
That's interesting Mandyloo, so many on here have stated that while in MLC they don't know what they are doing, you have someone who openly admits it to you. I have argued there is more realization than people acknowledge with this.
quick update things have been quiet but then this morning the bombshell, he as actually made a court date to get an order to get us out of his house, yes he as made it a legal document and low and behold the court date is for the day before my son's birthday so what a wonderful present that is that he as received from his dad, to be made homeless, what a prixe xxxxxxx he really is, I never thought he could go this far, is reasoning is that his finances are suffering, well why doesn't he curb the spending on his new wife and his lavish lifestyle, it cant be us that is using his money gawds sake he doesnt even send any money in for groceries for his son, we can't wait to get out of here and are ready to go, I just think it is so crap when he gets a date the day before son's birthday, and then to cap it all one of my friends called to say she had just seen him drive past. probably checking we got his mail
So we went to the court, cannot believe he is actually dragging it through the courts, but let him have it his way. As I arrived at court looking damn good I must say I caught a glimpse of xh as I looked towards my barrister, geez couldn't believe the size of him, he as doubled in size, he was sat on a seat behind a wall so as not to be seen by me, but I did see ha ha. when we went into the room before entering the courtroom, xh came in with his solicitor and managed to get sat in front of me with his back to me, he went out of his way all the time as to not look at me or make eye contact not even by mistake, most of the time he was sat looking at the floor with his elbows on his knees, he looked one very sad and unhappy man in fact he looked ill and he was dressed like a right scruff, he wouldn't of gone to work the way he turned up to court, it would have been a hair cut, cleanly shaven and suit with tie and shirt when he lived here. anyhow the good news was that he didnt' get his way and get me thrown out of the house for trespassing, the judge said I was hardly trespassing as I had been let in, and then my barrister said that she would like to make a claim to the courts under the childrens act and so the judge has given us three weeks to do that and then we have to go back to court, still on way out xh stayed behind to try and talk to his solicitor, or so he didn't have to acknowledge me, something tells me the guilt he must have is stopping him saying hello. anyhow it was son's birthday yesterday, did dad want to see him no he posted him a card and put a gift voucher in, it said he loved him and missed him and would love it if son would give him a ring, son wasn't impressed and said no way he thinks dad is old enough to make the contact and if he can't it's tough, like son said why should he phone dad when he is trying to get us out of our home, xh told the court that he wants us out due to unforeseen financial reasons, and she didn't turn up at court which I was pleased about and he didn't put her name on son's card either. but he looked gross I have never seen him look so unhappy and scruffy, he as looked better when he was doing the garden, ah well that is the way he wanted to live his life.
received notification from sky tv today to say that xh has pulled the plug on this, he used to subscribe to it as son enjoyed it so much, so he is having a go at son now as he's noticed he can't push my buttons anymore. also had a call from the child support people and she was saying that they more or less know he is diverting money as he claims he is the director of his own plc and he pays himself peanuts per month, the amount they say he is paying himself wouldn't even keep him in cigarettes per week, xh was never like this he would be absolutely petrified of lying and twisting anything at all to do with courts, tax people and the likes, he was never like that and so all I can say is she is bloody good at brainwashing this man, he is getting himself in way too deep, he as also said that his contract ends this month, he wouldnt go out the door for what he is saying he pays himself, which in our money works out at £25 per day, that is not even the minimum wage level, who the hell is he trying to kid, well it sure doesn't bother me but it might bother the people in authority.
received notification from sky tv today to say that xh has pulled the plug on this, he used to subscribe to it as son enjoyed it so much, so he is having a go at son now as he's noticed he can't push my buttons anymore. also had a call from the child support people and she was saying that they more or less know he is diverting money as he claims he is the director of his own plc and he pays himself peanuts per month, the amount they say he is paying himself wouldn't even keep him in cigarettes per week, xh was never like this he would be absolutely petrified of lying and twisting anything at all to do with courts, tax people and the likes, he was never like that and so all I can say is she is bloody good at brainwashing this man, he is getting himself in way too deep, he as also said that his contract ends this month, he wouldnt go out the door for what he is saying he pays himself, which in our money works out at £25 per day, that is not even the minimum wage level, who the hell is he trying to kid, well it sure doesn't bother me but it might bother the people in authority.
Mandyloo, I don't think he is trying to hurt your son, I think he has landed on hard times financially. Look what you said in your post, untidy appearance, unforseen financial hardships, the T.V. It all fits. I'm not making excuses for him and saying he shouldn't have to pay, but I was just stating what I see in this.
braveheart - I amnot so sure about the not wanting to hurt. I thought for a long time that the hurtful behaviour to the kids was a by-product of the situation, but having looked at it again, I can see a prety mean streak in all of it.
For example when his sons came to visit when we were packing up the family home he did not eat dinner with them the firs night, but with OW. In each case he hadn't seen them for more than 6 months.
I did raise it with him calmly at a later date, and tell him how much it had hurt them. He did not deny this. I think he knew what he was doing. One theory is that they are so miserable that they enjoy hurting others.
Ater all happy people try and avoid hurting others.
braveheart - I amnot so sure about the not wanting to hurt. I thought for a long time that the hurtful behaviour to the kids was a by-product of the situation, but having looked at it again, I can see a prety mean streak in all of it.
For example when his sons came to visit when we were packing up the family home he did not eat dinner with them the firs night, but with OW. In each case he hadn't seen them for more than 6 months.
I did raise it with him calmly at a later date, and tell him how much it had hurt them. He did not deny this. I think he knew what he was doing. One theory is that they are so miserable that they enjoy hurting others.
Ater all happy people try and avoid hurting others.
Angelica, you bring up a very good point. In fact this is what might very well be going on. I have told Mandyloo before that you have to be pretty mean to put your own son on the street.
thanks for your replies Braveheart and angelica, so is what you are saying to me is that he is not in fact happy with his new life and that is why he has to turn back and slip a little nastiness our way? I know for a fact this man cannot be happy with what he as done, the one man I thought would never turn his back on his only child as indeed done that, and I do believe that the day we move out of his damn house he is going to have to come in and prepare to sell it, how will he handle that I don't know, he couldn't even prepare his father's house to sell, I had to do it, but I can tell you now there is no way I shall leave this place all ready to make him a few pounds. He is happy with leaving us, he is happy with putting us on the streets, he is happy not having a relationship with his son and he is also very happy leaving us with no money for the last two and half years, so in his new found happiness let he and his delightful wife prepare his property for sale, after all said and done it will be those two that get to spend the money. I sometimes wonder if he ever actually feels that what he is doing is right and if he ever actually misses the good times we had taking son out on trips etc, its one thing walking out it is another thing turning your back completely on your young.
It's an extreme bullying tactic. Some people will do things for you and if you don't comply, they take it away. It's control. He has created the problem. The sooner you go dark and NEVER HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH HIM, the quicker he will see his mistake in how this was handled. If he wants a r with his son, he will have to figure out how to repair the damages. If he doesn't, the bastard has no place in the young boy's life.
My first ex, is seeing this now and is scrambling w/o any knowledge on how to repair the years of very little involvement in my children's lives. They attempted a r and he was controlling. He helped my S18 open a checking account. He closed it after a couple of weeks saying that S had become overdrawn and they were charging his acct. Son says no, this didn't happen. I believe S didn't pay him the attention he wanted and closed it to be an ass. Control. Any other person would have discussed it with S first. This is from a man who is at least a week late with meager child support causing me to overdraw, etc. We will open one for him at my bank next week.
Let him go. It hurts you and S more to dwell on his antics. Move forward as soon as you can and keep a PMA. Now, my kids and I try to find a little humour. We sometimes even feel sorry for him. But we move forward. Life gets better but WE have to make it happen. Why do any of us tolerate their abuse.
