Changes---wish they weren't so difficult! I probably shouldn't even post this because it shows how pathetic I am! My "big change" last night was to sleep on the other side of the bed. I have slept on "my side" of the bed for 30 years and have continued to do so for the past 4 months after H moved out. Last night I thought "how silly" because it means I walk around the bed to get to the bathroom instead of a straight line. I am such a creature of habit.
Now I need to keep moving ahead---finding ME again and making changes as I need to. Matilda
Had a depressing day and it's strictly my fault!!!! H has others feeling sorry for him since he is "stuck" on the boat with the bad weather and flooding (although it was his choice to move out!). He sounds so convincing, but I knew he has stayed at ow's house frequently per SIL. This morning I decided to drive by ow's house and see if his car was there (can't go to the marina without being real obvious). So, I drive by early this morning (like 5am! ) and actually felt bad, but relieved that H's car was NOT there. There was a different car out front so thought maybe it was one of her kids and at least he had the decency not to stay if she had company.
Then mid-morning H calls to make sure D16 and I are ok. He proceeds to tell me his car broke down last night and he had to rent a car!!!!!
The "good part" I guess is that he has proven again I can't trust him. Sure is depressing to think my H of 30 years is such a jerk!!!!!! It is also depressing that I am so gullible!
Oh honey you are not gullible. You've been with this man for 30 years, Yes, I once had blind trust (only married 16 years) and I don't anymore, its not being gullible its how your supposed to feel. You shouldn't have to worry or wonder, that's the sad part. Yet, we find ourselves doing it because of what we have been through.
We are all a creature of habit, so am I. Sleeping on the same side of the bed.. that's me.. when my H is away, I still sleep on my side.
We all have bad days, don't be so hard on yourself. As far as the checking up.... its not dbing.. but EVERYONE does it, don't feel bad!
Chin up and do something for you!
TAL
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I am actually very angry at husband because at this moment I feel I will always worry and wonder. Its like a new world was opened up to us with infidelity, eyes open, not trusting, second guessing.
Had a depressing day and it's strictly my fault!!!!
I won't sugar-coat this - yes, you could have chosen a better day I know, these things are easy to say and soooo hard to do. But the fact that you are recognising them is a huge step in the right direction. How are you coming along with those 3 free stress busting sessions?
Thanks for the responses!!! It was easier when H was depressed and miserable; it's more difficult to know he is so happy. I feel like our marriage was a sham although I do have some happy memories tucked away somewhere. I'll start counseling in Sept. I obviously need it! Maybe I can have H pay for the extra counseling--three sessions probably won't be enough!! I am determined to be happy, too.
A new day! Back to school for D16. Hopefully it will be a good year for her. Wish she had more support from her dad, but she seems ok with the 2 hour contact per week. If her dad turns her down for something it's ok because "he's busy". If I turn her down it's because I'm a mean mom. Lovely!
Mattie, I wish I was there to give you a big hug, just know that you have the support of many wonderful people on here. Don't feel bad for being uhappy about your circumstances, you are human like the rest of us. It's hard not to get upset when we know that they are seemingly leading a happy life with the new person while our worlds are falling apart. It's up to us to live our lives to the fullest. We have to let go and let God. Remember the best revenge is a life lived well.
Hugs, Yoyou
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Mattie, I wish I was there to give you a big hug, just know that you have the support of many wonderful people on here. Don't feel bad for being uhappy about your circumstances, you are human like the rest of us. It's hard not to get upset when we know that they are seemingly leading a happy life with the new person while our worlds are falling apart. It's up to us to live our lives to the fullest. We have to let go and let God. Remember the best revenge is a life lived well.
Hugs, Yoyou
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
In My OP I think your H may be happy on the out side and tormented on the inside. Anywhooo That is not your issue, you just need to be happy for you. It does sound like you are working very hard on that.
Boy aren't these things easier said than done!
JAK
Last edited by jak58; 08/27/0703:48 PM.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
MY grandfather doesnt usually state his opinion too much (like most men),but when he does it is insightful. I mentioned to him how H use to asy how Ow makes him happy and he said -dont count on it. THat is for the most part a cover up. He may say and act like all is well,but he maybe miserable on the inside and I can assure you he prolly is. Well, H actual words were that around two months ago, he mumbled the words "I will go back to being miserable" This was when was really detached and ignored he plea & Oh poor me and wanting to come back. I knew deep down he wasnt really ready to make the move just yet.
This morning on the phone he actaully said he now realizes his own fault in this and how right I was,but did not want to get into to it toomuch as seeing I would only prolly throw it back at him( i use to do this before not anymore).Not getting my hopes up too much but am glad to see the light is starting to show at the end of the tunnel.
) and actually felt bad, but relieved that H's car was NOT there. There was a different car out front so thought maybe it was one of her kids and at least he had the decency not to stay if she had company. 
I know, these things are easy to say and soooo hard to do. But the fact that you are recognising them is a huge step in the right direction. How are you coming along with those 3 free stress busting sessions? 
Slowly
I am determined to be happy, too. 