well here I am 1 year after 'bomb' and still in 1 piece. H is home with me and he talks like we're gonna make it! All I can say is what a difference a year has made.
1-1/2 weeks ago I would have said "still no ILY's" but even that is just starting to change, H said to me last week, "Do you love me"? I said that I did and had for over 20 years. He said "well I want you to feel loved too". Then in a Valentine card he wrote "love ya" 4 times in different spots all over it. 2 days ago he signed an email with "L,D". D being his first initial. H clings to me now, holds my hand and tells me to sit by him. He hasn't had his ring on for over a year, that's another step I'm patiently waiting for.
He hasn't come right out and said it but there is love in his eyes when he looks at me. I knew it a year ago too but didn't say it, I knew it would have done no good with the way he was talking and feeling. I decided to become his girlfriend again. I wanted to be the 22 year old girl again that he fell in love with. Not just for him, but I was in misery too and I wasn't happy either with myself, and my M and H are what got the worst of me.
Luckily DR literally jumped out at me at the library the day after bomb and 5 days later I joined this board. Sadly I posted in the "I Need Support" section and got not one reply. Once I got the hang of it around here I did OK though. I don't think I would have made it this far if not for this BB. It's been a year of ups and downs for sure, and I've backslid. And the pain, I've never in my life known such pain as this year has been, especially the first 6 months. But you know what, no pain, no gain. I also like to think of the words to the Steve Miller song where he sings "You've got to go through hell before you get to heaven".
Well I've been to hell and back and I know that a lot of the fine folks here still are and I hope and pray for everyone of us to have a happy ending. Lisa
