I'm struggling with what to do exactly, but I'm pretty sure now that I'm not going to give her a dime because I honestly don't feel like she deserves it anymore (I think my motive was a mixture of guilt and incentive -- both poor reasons, though it did have something to do with making sure my kids are comfortable at both households). I've done A LOT for her both recently and over the years, and though I made some horrible mistakes and exercised poor communication and behavior over the years, I don't feel guilty anymore. I've accepted my role, made the necessary changes in myself and my interactions with W, and have owned and released my mistakes. I cannot and will not buy her forgiveness. It just isn't healthy, and she is not deserved of any of my inheritance.
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I agree with you that she's not entitled to the money - I'd go for what she's legally entitled to and that's all, personally.
I think that's pretty much where I'm at now, though I'm continuing to mull it over (48 hr rule).
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Have you signed anything legally yet saying she'd get the $$?
NOPE -- WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so thankful for this now!
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Let her figure out where she'll live and how, that's not your place anymore. As long as it's safe for the kids, that's all you need to be concerned with.
Great point -- thanks for the reinforcement!
Kat,
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It must be nice to hear your suspiscions about how the OM will look when he shows his true colors are correct.
You damn right it does!!! I even found out (forgot to post this earlier) that this guy actually has some kind of memorabilia box that contains things from his 2 past marriages, which includes naked photos of both of his exs! W knows this, and apparently it ticks her off (duh!). All I can say is: What a dumb arse! He obviously hasn't learned a stinkin' thing about how to make a relationship work (or just doesn't care about my W too much, and by the choices it sounds like he's making I think it's both!).
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You are right, though, not to assume that she will come running back to you just because things w/ OM aren't rosy. You don't want her coming back to you for that reason anyway.
Nope, sure don't. In fact, I don't want her back until she's ready to invest 110% in both herself and the changes needed there, as well as the M itself. And even then, I'm going to have to think carefully now... She's going to have to prove herself over a decent period of time before I take her back. She certainly won't come back to me for convenience sake, that's for sure.
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As far as the money issue, with it being your inheritance, it is truly your money, and I can see how it would be irritating to know that W and OM are salivating over getting their hands on it.
Very much so -- that's something that pisses me off now to no end. They're actually making plans together around it, and it isn't even deservedly hers! It is going to be for my kids, and I will not give her the satisfaction of using me so her and her BF can be comfortable.
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I am sure you are more than aware that she will not be happy with you lowering the amount of money that she gets. If you are prepared for the fallout from that, then go for it.
I am quite aware of this, and am definitely prepared for it. I've realized that she isn't the woman I want to be married to and raise a family with. I'll be much better off raising the kids without her given her current values. I'm pretty sure this move could severe any possible chance of reconciliation EVER, but it's a move I'm ready to take. I'd like things to be different, but I'm just fine with not being with her ever again.
Thanks for your feedback ladies -- always appreciated!
