Thoughts on phone calls

[BryanS]

Thanks for the advice. Have a small update. Talked to W again today abotu the house and she started asking about what I had planned for the rest of the day. I gave some vauge answers and then basically got off the phone on what I thought was a pleasant note.

Came home late (played cards at friends house) and got an e-mail from W saying that it's great that I'm seeing her side of the past arguments but that she has doubts about what would happen in the next fight. She stated that she believes I can change but that it won't happen over night and she's not willing to wait for the possibility that I keep up with it.

Two observations: indication of looking towards the next fight as if the idea of us being together is being entertained. And the statement that she now thinks I can change but that it will take longer than she is willing to wait. I took those both as positives even though I'm sure she meant them negatively. Thoughts on this?

Second para in the e-mail went on to say that she won't be talking to me as much anymore. Said that sometimes I sound really happy to hear from her and sometimes I sound annoyed and can't wait to get off the phone. This is the 180 I started just a day or two ago. I stopped being gushy and falling all over myself to talk to her and started being polite but more to the point, not many wasted words. That was a quick reaction on her part. Said that she doesn't want the ups and downs in the conversations, that she deserves to know when she calls what I will be like on the phone. Said that if I can figure out what is wrong and work on evening the convesations out a little, she would love to keep talking to me. Said that she likes hearing from me, that's why it hurts her when I've been more short these past couple of times.

This last part, her statements about the recent conversations has me stumped. I don't know whether to respect her decision to cut back on the contact and continue the 180 or if this is far enough. I wrote an e-mail in response to her (didn't send it) telling her that I was thrilled to hear from her each time but that I had been disciplining myself to respond cooly and politely instead. That's why the perceived up and down. I could really use some advice here. I don't know if this is one of those situations where I should stick to my guns and we'll come out the other side or if I'm pushing her away with the behavior I instituted to bring her closer. HELP!