muddled and angry: Puddle's sencond thread

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I'm sorry puddle. The thing to realize is that our WAS is going to continue to hurt us. That's the whole point of no expectations. well, I guess we could expect them to continually hurt us, but I don't think that would be the right thing to do either...it would give us the wrong perception of our S, or who we know our S was.

Totally use this site to get out all of your anger. Definitely write your letters on here, it can help you let it go. You definitely don't want to give him this letter and I know you know that.

I know as a mother you cannot understand how in the world he can be treating his children like this. I used the kids so much in the beginning-b4 DB- telling him how can he do this to them and all that stuff you mentioned. But unfortunately, they just don't get it. They truly are in a whole different world, a fog, a pit, whatever, and it's going to take a long time before they can figure out how to get out. The only thing they can see is themselves, and they can't see how it's affecting everyone else.

Like so many others, relationships have been ruined (not all permanently), R's with g-parents, parents, friends, who knows who, because the WAS is so consumed with themselves. I think part of it is that they have guilt and so they try to hide. Sin hates the light. They focus on blaming others so they can have less guilt. However, they are still hurting too.

While my H was acting like a jerk, I remember my s9 was really sick (he had 2 surgeries prior within a year) and my H text me while at work, asking how he was. I said "fine, just wait till you can't be there for him when he's really sick" ya, not a good thing to say. but that was all out of anger and pre-DB.

That same hour I talked to a friend of mine, a strong christian, and she asked me what my vision was. I said for my H to come back to us as a husband and father. She said, "then your going to bite your tongue and your going to be the best wife that you can be....you tell him that he is a good father". I was like are you kidding?!? me tell him he's a good dad with all the aweful things he's doing? She said, he is being a good dad because he is concerned for his son, asking him how is was. So she did have a point. So I did apologize for my comment and said it was out of anger and that he was a good dad. and WOW was that ever hard to hit the send button. But after I did that, it was like a burden was lifted and it felt good to compliment him. Before long I had found DB and For Women Only, and I started my plan to build up my H. Although very small, he did do good things and I would recognize them. Slowly but surely, he did more and more. It took a lot of time, but now he is a better H, and father than he was before our sitch.

okay, that got really long, but I felt like sharing that with you.

take care tonight, and try to release your anger. have a 48 hour rule where you don't react to anything.