Piecing to Pieces....A New Arrival

[sandi2]

Hi, I will join the others on the band wagon about "piecing". Although I've not been here very long myself. I have been saying that my H and I are back to where we were before I messed up with my EA. That...back to where we were....or back to our "normal", as I have stated it....is not necessarily a great place. After all, that is where we were when I went "flirting" on-line.

I can identify with the weight gain, personal looks department, etc. It is crazy....but when I was involved with OM in EA...I worked like a wild woman to look younger, sexier, etc. I excersied, lost weight, used all kind of lotions & potions on my skin.....and, if I do say so, looked pretty darn hot (lol). I will tell you all something funny....b/c nobody but my immediate family knew what was going on....and ond day after church, my Pastor said, "I don't know if you are going through MLC or what, but you look great!" I nearly fainted! lol

Well, the ironic thing is that after I determined not to contact the OM and I ended the EA.....guess what happened? You are right! I stopped excersing, dieting, the lotions & potions stopped....and you know the rest. Why is that? imLin said that it was b/c I did not feel that I had to "win" anyone......I had my H. I think a lot of that is true. But, I wish I was not that way. I wish I could feel toward my H the same as I felt toward the OM when I was trying to look so hot for him. BTW...I loved to hear OM tell me how "hot" I looked and I worked my ....you know what off.....to hear him say that. My H is good to compliment me...but for some reason, it just doesn't seem the same. God, that makes me sound awful!!!

I am so painfully honest sometimes! Well, I'm in "piecing" and I need a lot of encouragement from you all. Please don't shut me out since I'm from the other side of the fence. I have sent several posts out that never got any response and I don't know if I was too harsh sounding or if it is b/c I was almost a WAW and people resent me or just don't talk to me b/c it reminds them of their pain. But, I will be the first to tell all of you that if it had not been for this board.....I would have destroyed my entire family's lives. I was so messed up.....in the "fog" and in limbo until it is a wonder I didn't have a stroke or heart attack from the pressure of it all. Maybe that is why I lost so much weight! ewwww, that is a bad way to loose it!

Well, any thoughts or comments will be appreciated. I'm a tough gal and can take it.....(I think). I want my M to work, but I won't deny that I'm having problems with the "feelings" now. I have determined in my heart to do what is right....morally speaking....and spiritually. But....I sure would like to have the "loving feelings" for my H again. With us, it takes baby steps.....and plus, we are set in our way pretty badly. I have heard that all my life....how hard it is to change after getting set in your ways.....oh boy, it that so true!

I think somebody spoke of feeling "comfortable" where they were in "Piecing". That kind of sums up where H and I are right now. At least, I think he is.....but, I'm not satisfied. I know I need to set some goals.....bigger, more important than what I've been doing. I am having a hard time tonight getting the energy to even think of a list...(lol) Lordy, that's bad.

That reminds me of something my grown D said to me. She discovered my IM to the OM.....talk about embarrasing! Wow! That will humble you in a hurry! Anyway, I woud write these little romantic fiction stories to the OM. Of course, they were filled with tons of sexual content and excitement. That was very embarrasing for her to discover also. Anyway, she told me that if I would put only half as much engery into her dad as I had into the OM......what a great M we would have.

You know the sad thing about all of that? I knew she was right. However, I did not have an answer for her, b/c I did not understand it myself. Just like I don't understand why I couldn't "come on" to my H and encourage sex between us. He probably would have gladly responded, but he waited for me....and I wouldn't do it. So, we went years without an active sex life. I still can't make myself do it.

Oh well, like I said.....punch me out if you feel like it. I just needed to talk tonight. If you do have any advice for me...I would appreciate it.