S10 had a soccer game today. H came to the field and sat next to me. We chit chatted about nothing in particular. At one point me, H, baby S12, and D5 went to the snack bar. We talked on the way, told me an old high school friend of his that he has wanted to talk to and hasn't seen in seven years finally texted him today and will be coming to his birthday party tonight. He then told me his group of four friends that he went to highschool will all be there tonight, it will be the first time in 20 years they have all been together. He is very excited and I was excited for him. Just sucks that I wont be there and they will all be hanging out with him and OW.
OW called during the game which is pretty typical of her, and I didn't react at all. H and I talked and watched the game and had a nice time. At one time he even went and got mustard for my sandwich. When he left, I told him to have fun tonight and he said thanks. As we were driving off we drove past him as he was walking to his car, I yelled out, tell everyone I said hi, to bad I can't go, wish I could see everyone. He just shook his head, see he always has believed that I hated his friends, but that was always in his own head. So I suppose me saying that was a 180 for me?
Took off and went with the kids to get H a birthday card, and a picture frame for the kids picture. Found a very general funny card to give him from me, and one from the kids. H called asked if he could borrow the party chairs, I said no problem, I am not home, just help yourself. I have stayed cheerful all day.
but.... this is killing me. I am not going to be celebrating my H's 37th birthday, and the OW will be celebrating it with him. I am sure she will get him a lovey dovey birthday card, and he will be on cloud nine with his new life. His nephew and all his friends, and many of our co-workers will be there, not one person will say anything bad about what he has done and is doing, just confirming to him that he made the right choice. I am going to be sitting here all night, trying like hell to not think about it, but it is so freaking hard. I wonder how H would feel if the tables were turned and he was in my shoes? I can not go out, it is just me and the kids, do not have anyone to watch them at all.
I like that he doesn't see you as a threat to his relationship with OW. Keep him in that direction and insist that he's with her. I'm sure in the beginning he didn't see her as a threat to his marriage either.
...Because if you are pretty good... OW will have a lot to "live up to" to make the whole thing worth it. Is she really that great? Is she actually worth him losing the family he created, the daily parenting of his kids, half the assets he has acquired up until a divorce, retirement, savings, etc... All I can say is OP better be worth it!
And the higher your value is, the more she has to live up to!
ROOT: Brilliant perspective. Perhaps the most insightful thing I have read on this board.
Thanks. You have given me (and many others) much motivation!
I will tell you that the one thing that keeps me going in these circumstances is that when my wife is with her BF, I am soley responsible for the kids. I draw strength juxtaposing her abandonment of our family to be with her boyfriend with my being with our kids, keeping our family together. I wish you to do the same.
Thanks Mark. Yes I know, I am with the kids, and I am the responsible one, but that was how it always was, and I just get frustrated that now H is truly living how he wanted to all along. HOnestly I dont think he even thinks of the kids while he is acting like a teenager. the ow is a teenager too in spirit and that is what they do together. it is actually sad, but still infuriating at the same time.
Yes, yes, yes.... we are of the same mind. It is sooooo difficult to put it all aside. Be strong.... Knowing that you are taking the high road, doing the right thing, and setting the right example for your kids.
LeftinCali, I totally know what you mean about 'a little too late'. I have totally heard that. I have heard "I am numb to you" and "I don't think I can get it back", all sorts of versions. How about those times when THEY let US down and we forgave them?? HMPH!!!
Hope your kids are in bed, and you are enjoying a nice buzz.
Thanks Mark, yes high road, high road, must remember.
lwb, yes isn't it funny that we have no problem forgiving, but they just can not bring themselves to do the same? I think it goes to show a definite personality flaw on the WAS part?
I wish, no buzz yet, I am in California remember, it is only 7pm, still fighting with the boys to finish cleaning their rooms. LOL
