I know how you feel. My XH spends time with me and sleeps over sometimes. But, I have not been D that long...about 6months. He does tell me to move on...yet he does the opposite and comes and stays over. But see, I let him. I do have a choice....I too like you allow him to make all the rules.
I wish I could be strong and figure this out. But, I screwed up royally...had R talk and now XH says he will never sleep with me again. I know...believe only half of what you hear.
Be patient or make your own decision. Maybe, we need to be unavailable sometimes. I know I have been agreeable to all the visits, sleepovers, very there for him.
