Thing is, I didn't like screwing up, I didn't like what I was doing but I didn't know how to do it any better and so I got frustrated and stagnated. This, I think, is what she sees, me acting the same as I always have because I haven't, until now, been able to find a simple common sense approach to changing that behavior.
Wow, yes, your story sounds quite familiar. Unfortunately, both of our change has come so late in the game, our W's don't seem to care anymore. My W and I also used to say things like "we'll be nicer, we'll listen more, we'll do more things together etc.", but she never could sit still or let her defenses down long enough to work on a game plan with me. Eventually I got fed up feeling like I was the only one working on things (and her constant put-down and mistrust, which now I see was a projection of her own self-doubts). A couple of days after the S, I found out about DB/DR and began to dig in. My W, on the other hand has chosen to begin an affair within one week of leaving the house, and is suffering such strong denial that no amount of DBing may help at this point. I have always been faithful and had the best intentions for her and us, but she has chosen a very selfish and self-destructive road, which now I see, was always present, but didn't truly flair until a couple of weeks before the S. Two months prior she suffered a series of serious health issues which traumatized her into reverting to this almost teenage type of life, which she now is sharing with the OM. It sounds to me, like you still have a shot (I guess we all do, though mine seems nearly futile), so keep DBing and doing your 180 (for yourself). It's hard brother, but a "must". Also, don't get tempted to have an A yourself, as this will only complicate things. We have been separated for over two months now, and opportunity has arisen for me a few times already, but I refuse to jeopardize what slim chance is left to save my M. Two wrongs indeed, do not make a right. Hard to live by sometimes, but so true.
