not trying to intrude here but I really need a woman's opinion. So I am over here trying to recruit. My thread is in the midlife crisis area and is titled "will my wife ever come back to me" Im new to this message board, and any advice would be greatly appreciated thanks alot.
I feel like putting on my boogie shoes and dancing.
H *never* says LW's name to me anymore. It's been since early February *at least* (and only because I invited her to his surprise party) since he's said anything about her to me. It's the kind of thing you notice...
Anyway, last night H was telling me about all the people who are fed up at his job and either quitting or thinking about it. At the end of his looong list, he said, "Even LW, who's been there for X years, is thinking about leaving."
I didn't react. It didn't bother me. H watched me to see my reaction...and it was just like a conversation.
I still don't like her. I still don't want to talk to her or see her. BUT I'm letting go. Finally!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
And wow, that's great about LW. Both about you letting go, and her possibly not working there anymore.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
There's nothing like seeing my former situation played out in front of my eyes. Wow....
H's younger brother and his girlfriend are in town b/c they are getting ready to move here. There's 10-years between H and his brother, but they are SO alike it's scary. (Their sister, closer to H in age, is NOTHING like them!)
BIL is very serious with his g/f and will likely marry her. She a nice girl too.
BUT...
As we were driving around with them yesterday, H and I saw things that reminded us of us before the bomb. I was "interpreting" what g/f's actions meant, H was "interpreting" what brother's actions meant, and H actually said to me, "It's scary, but I know what you're saying (about g/f) is true."
They are going to have the same struggles...have to learn the same lessons...and our hearts just hurt for them.
Is there any way to share what we've learned to help them? Because neither of them is the devil...they are just like every other couple on the planet that has to work through these things.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Talk to them before it's too late? I wish somebody whacked me in the head years ago and tell me that I'm screwing up.....
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
Is there any way to share what we've learned to help them? Because neither of them is the devil...they are just like every other couple on the planet that has to work through these things.
That's a tough one. Great subject to bring up for discussion though. I am looking forward to everyone's ideas. Btw... that is really great that you and your H are able to talk about this.
Are they proactive types in other areas of their lives?
Are there any books you and your H have both taken a lot from? If so, maybe you could give them as gifts to the two of them as they are making this move together.... as a show of respect to, and celebration of, the seriousness of their R as they take a step like that. You could each write a few things in a card.
?? hmmmm.
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
As to your BIL - I really do hope you can offer some things to help them. Things we ALL wish we knew sooner. It kinda depends on your (or your H's) R with them, and if they know about your sitch, but either way I think you could help a bit. I wouldn't even say you noticed anything was "off" - just offer the tools to help them keep their R happy. For example, do you think giving them a copy of 5 Love Languages might be good?
I gave it to my bro and SIL for Christmas and just said "I wish I'd had this sooner, it's great!" They knew about my sitch at some level although we hadn't separated yet - and they really appreciated the book. And funny, when I first mentioned the sitch to them my bro was in shock saying "OMG we ALL go through the same crap!" So I guess things weren't rosy with him either, and I had no idea. Now they are much happier, seem closer, and are talking about starting a family. Not saying it was all 5LL by a longshot, but I think it got them jumpstarted a bit.
I wouldn't pull out D-Busting yet if they aren't even married though.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Hope you're having a nice weekend so far.