So all week I had planned to go out with my cousin and her husband. I was looking forward to the time to do nothing. Well Wednesday she says they can't go.
Now, I have another friend and co-worker who is going through a rough patch in her marriage and she's moved out. I asked her what she had planned and she invited me along. There is a new bar that I wanted to check out because I hadn't seen it and it's local, yada yada.
So we go to her friends house and then on to the new bar.
We're there about five minutes and EXH shows up with his friend. And there are two women sitting at a table. Guess who they are? One of them was the EA. So he walks in and gives her a full body hug. And he didn't even see me. So I say hey to him and he gets all hateful to me and then tells my friends who I was with and why our marriage failed.
And so.....God? The devil? Fate? Whatever brought me to that bar has given me some closure.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
yeah that's pretty much what I said today. I told him that everytime I talk to him, we only talk about what I did, as if I am the only one at fault for our marriage falling apart and I was tired of it because that's not the case.
He said it hurt him to see me without my rings yesterday when we split our other stuff up. I told him he didn't wear his for a long time.
I can't even remember everything.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
My opinion: if you're in a situation like you're in where everything's already final, don't feel bad about getting angry. Sure, you can DB after divorce in theory but I'm not sure how realistic that is. You tried, it failed, you've earned the right to be anything you want. Call him an ass, ignore him if he talks to you, whatever you feel like. I'm just starting the DB process and it's a tie for the hardest thing I've ever done so I have a tremendous amount of respect for those that have given it a lengthy trial.
I think it was God giving you a chance to release some of the emotion your DBing has caused you to hold inside. He was telling you that you don't have to hold it anymore, that if you keep holding it it could poison you.
Me: 32 in OH Wife: 29 in MD Married: 4 years No kids Seperated 14 months
He acted like that and he wasn't even drunk? Wow. No class. Sorry that happened to you. I hope he regrets it later but don't hold your breath waitingfor an apology.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Here's what's funny. He left the kids at the house to go out for a while. My stepson is 14, almost 15 but still. The kids should be with an adult and hello - it's his weekend WITH HIS KIDS!!!!!!!!!
So today I asked that it not happen again. I asked that they not be left at night while he goes out to do whatever. I'm sure it's all taken as me being bitter because he was with her, but the truth of the matter is, it shouldn't happen regardless of who you're seeing or what you're doing. You don't leave your kids alone without an adult that late at night.
Somehow though, this is still my fault! HA!
My favorite part was this though. I said -- this is your weekend with the kids. You're supposed to spend time with them.
He says - maybe I should just invite her over and we can hang out like one big happy family.
I said why not - she's already tucked my daughter into bed!
And then he tried to turn it around on me. Well you shouldn't have any margaritas on the deck when you're with her. (I'm still here, NEXT DOOR to my parents..) -- and you leave her with your parents while you work a 2nd job to support your Rockafeller lifestyle (HA! priceless!)
So let's see...if that went to court, we have a dad who's going out drinking, partying and screwing around...leaving the kids without adult supervision.
And we have a mother working two jobs and leaving her daughter with her parents while she works....in retail no less!
I guess I am a horrible person
Rockafeller -- ha! Still gets me. Let's see -- if feeding your daughter is a Rockafeller type thing then...I guess I am.
Damn.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
OMG, we have to avoid getting pulled into these arguements!
But how do we stop worrying about our kids when we entrust them to people who are in MLC mode? I just cannot wrap my head around it.
My BFF said that I should trust my H, that nothing bad would happen to my kids, he wouldn't let it. I guess that is the truth but it is like handing them over to an irresponsible and immoral teenager at times.
There is no way he can compare your parenting skills to his. He is dazed and confused. His comment about the OW was a low blow and should not even be dignified. How dare he say such a thing?
I agree, 14-15 year olds may be able to babysit, but I only allow them to sit at night if their parents are home. I have seen 14 year old girls' faces on milk cartons, so I say that is OK only for a while, a little afterschool or maybe to go to the store, but not all night if drinking is involved, no. What's the point if it is his night anyways? Grfff!
Find a zen place. Everything will be OK. The fog will clear and you/ we will be better off after this whole experience.
Last edited by mkultra; 08/25/0705:00 PM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Rockafeller -- ha! Still gets me. Let's see -- if feeding your daughter is a Rockafeller type thing then...I guess I am.
Damn.
See, that's just it. He did not expect you to succeed financially -- he didn't think you could stand on your own two feet, but you ARE. You have cut back your spending, you are working a second job, you have kept the house and you are PROVIDING FOR YOUR CHILD.
And there he is with no place of his own and he hasn't paid his share of child support.
GOOD FOR YOU!!!!
His response is envy. Don't return it, be strong, and make sure that since the divorce HE insisted on is final, he starts paying his child support regularly.
I'm sorry but I'm really angry at him for how he treated you. I wish you'd asked him in front of his little group if he is a man of his word. But that's the snarky side of me, not the Christian side.
