How do you trust again without going crazy?

[Startingover2]

I have another post on here but I have another with little response. I thought I would bring up something that is getting to me.

My sitch in a nutshell: EXH left July 2006, we were only married one year, together for 4. Divorce was final April 2007. During that time we still slept together every few weeks and there was alot of contact.

I am 10 weeks pregnant now with his child. Came out of the blue for both of us. He thinks it was meant to be and is very happy. Wants to go slow with reconciliation. He is here alot but has not moved back in. I agree. He had another FWB relationship going on to which he said he ended. She is not dealing with it well and continutes to contact him. He says he doesn't want anyone else, ILY to me, and I truly am seeing some changes in him. But only when he wants and on his terms.

My problem....I can't trust him. Because of the past and all of the hurt I am so darn insecure. I question everything in my mind that he does, where he goes and actually check his phone when he is not looking. I did see the text where he told OW that things had to be this way. He is in a wedding this weekend to which he didn't invite me. My head is spinning. What if he drinks too much? What kind of single bimbo women will be there? What is going to happen? Why is he not taking me? He asked his wild sister to go with him before we ever started reconciliation talks. Is he ashamed of me?

Its not just the wedding, its everything. I am literally in knots just waiting for the other shoe to drop. He had the rehearsal dinner/party last night for this wedding and he didn't call like he said he was when he went home. My stupid self, drove by his house at 1:30 AM. He was home.

Why can't I just relax and go with it? Do you ever get that trust and secure feeling back? Thanks for the help.