BI, I've followed your story and have read from your blog. Dear heavens, woman, consider yourself hugged and patted on the back with some "there, theres" thrown in for good measure.
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He's freelance consulting, but it's slow, and he thinks he will never get another job again -that's not manual labor or very random consulting stuff.
He said last night: Show me someone who ever got fired from his job because of an affair, and was able to get another job(aside from bagging groceries, or serving Fries With That).
I ran across one on Marriage Builders, here's the LINK.. Scroll down and you'll see this:
"15. WS spouse was fired from his job because of this and actually felt relieved. It took him two months to find new employment, and went back to OW for one last f***. This is when the fog lifted for him. I didn't find out about the last contact until a year later. It was quite a setback. We have since healed, and our marriage is better than before. "
But, I think this question is a rabbit trail leading to futility. If he has sent out resumes with no hits, then unless he is stamping the envelope and the first page of each one with a scarlet "A" - then the companies he is contacting don't know.
I understand that the issue will probably come up during interviews, but there was no APB that went out to every corporation about your husband and his infidelity that is keeping them from contacting him. YKWIM? So, the affair cannot be blamed for the lack of responses.
NOP is an engineer. Over the years when caught in between career opportunities, in order to provide for us during those times, he has been a plumber and he has been a butcher. And he busted his butt to be the best plumber and best butcher he could be.
Being a plumber or a butcher is messy, nasty, hard physical labor. But there was no dishonor or degradation in wielding knife or shovel - those jobs provided food and shelter for the family.
And when the hard times got better, he went right back into engineering.
Is your husband applying for jobs (in his field) that are lower position-wise and pay-wise than the one he had? Is there some reason that he would not be capable of performing manual labor?
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is the fact that he really feels his 'life is over' as he's been unemployed for so long. He is disconnected from that part of his life, that is where Providing For His Family lives, as well has having a common goal with co-workers. He poured so much of himself/ his life into his job, and now that is gone with no closure. Former friends are now FORMER friends. He is VERY alone in this battle. People keep their distance from us, etc. All compounding his sense of loss, doom, and no redemption for him.
Okay, I don't know how to tiptoe around this. Everything you wrote up there indicates that his attitude is still "all about me". His pain, his career, his friends, his life, his doom...
Of course, there isn't a lot you personally can do to offset that on his behalf. Would he consider having an email correspondance with NOP?
