I have to quit having R talks,I asked her out and she said she didn't want to so it started.She did say that the time we spend together or as a family was just the same.Just relax and so on.We have been spending alot of time together.i just don't know what to do because she says things like she doesn't know if she will ever want to be in another R.I still think she is trying I just have to do my part,why else would we spend some time everyday for the last month together?Its like she is on the fence again.
Not to be hard on you, but you are putting her on the fence. How do I know? I did the same, yet she still keeps company with Sir Scum. This is not to say that your ex is doing the same. My family is such the picture of happiness. We go to church together. We have dinner every Sunday. We are soccer. We go together and visit family having Easter dinner at her house. Does this sound familiar?
What evil lurks in the sick mind. Who know? I knew from the start that if there was a chance I would just have to go bye bye...something which I have never really done. And it is difficult to break away. Your X never has to make a decision under the circumstances.
When you pull back, she comes to you. When you take the bait, she pulls back. Like a friggin yo yo!!!! Don't take the bait.
You are so right on several of the things,I just can't figure out when is the right time to not be there What are doing?I wish some WAWs would step up and give some suggestions to us all.I am trying to back up and let her do the asking.
You asked what is the right time not to be there. All I can say is sometime. Go out with some friends. Go to a ball game. Find something that makes her realize that you have a life. She does want someone with a life other than just being there. You are probably doing everything for her.
Be patient. I am not sure what else to tell you. Your W is spending a lot of time with you. So, this probably means she is still confused. I would say that it is a real positive though.....trust me.
I have been D since 11/02 and now my XH and I are having sleepovers ( since 1/03) and every couple weeks he does the old - I can never trust you again...don't wait for me...etc. I think it is alien confusion.
Be compassionate, caring - the old you - the one she fell in love with. Avoid R talks for a while...let her initiate. Not a bad idea to be unavailable sometimes too...I am finding that this is helping me. XH is wondering....
Thanks for the replies,she has backed off alittle,she still ask me to do things for her and i know that this is where I need to be unavailable.She still comes by and is nice.Why would someone that really doesn't do a whole lot want to stay single?I know we will probably spend some time together tomorrow and at least a couple of evenings this week so I will see how it goes.Thanks again.
Randy, Hope you are doing well. I wish I had some answers for you. It looks like things re going pretty well for the 2 of you. You have already done all the hard parts, and that is learning patience. My sitch is somewhat the same, I and W are divorced. She got her final papers last week. We are seeing each other almost everday albeit because of son, but we are in contact. I have messed up 3 times talking about R. She says everytime I do I take 10 steps backward. When I have patience, and don't assume the worse then the tension melts between us and we become friends. She says she does not no what the future holds for us (which is better than her saying there is no future) I know that I have hurt her by not being nice in the past. I have changed and she knows it, but she doesn't think it will last. It is a long road to travel for sure. But I know that at the end we will be together and our marriage or remarriage will be one that will be envied by all. Stay in the game, don't push, accept what is being given. When she is ready you will be the one to benifit greatly. Mine has shown me, and told me what she wants. When I give her space, time and all the things that she asks for, I usually end up getting to spend some real quality time with her, and actually think that there is hope.
Thanks for the reply,It is a tough road to travel and some people say I am crazy for hanging on.We do spend alot of time together and I do things when she ask me to.I remember the days when we would go 3 or 4 days without talking ,when I had the girls. She is helping me remodel an apt. right now so we are spending even more time together and we have talked alittle about vacation.Keep me posted about your sit. and good luck
I'm not to good today, PMA is at all ime low. Ex went to freinds house to help wallpaper then eat dinner. Of course my mind is thinking her friend is trying to fix her up with someone. I have no proof, and usually she will tell son and me she just has plans. I can look at this as positve, that she told me this b/c she knows I am really jealous and maybe she feels that if I think she is with someone else I will call it quits between us. But my mind is stuck in the negative. I can see good things, like she went out with me 2 weeks ago, we slept together, we are going out of town in 2 weeks just me and her. I think if I was her and I just wanted to be friends with no emotional strings or hope that a R could develop I would cut off everything, no contact, no dates, nothing. So she is actually keeping hope alive by agreeing to see me and do family things together, and hopefully she will come to see that I have changed and will give us another chance for R.
I am alot in the same place,I still have my doubts and get jealous I just don't let her see it.Theres this one woman that flirts with me and she is married, it is more that she is nice than anything would ever happen but my X acts like she is jealous of her and then the other day my daughter was playing on the compt. and X went in there and looked up all my past history and made some comment about it,so she is checking around.We haven't been intimate since we split,oh she flirts alittle but I try not to bring it up.I guess one thing that bugs me is that she never says bye,either on the phone or when I leave or she leaves and I guess it's no big deal.I figure she either doesn't care that we are leaving each others company or she misses it.
