Thank you for the kudos, OT. I'm just thinking of how many 2x4s I needed...but I do know that I am getting there. You asked me once what I may be afraid of if I let H go...I think it is failure, especially for my kids, but also perceived by the outside world. That somehow I wasn't able to keep my H. That is the work I have ahead of me in IC. There were things that I contributed to this fallout, but his EA/PA was HIS choice. Mine was to work hard to change and become a better person. It is just a shame that we are going down such divergent paths after all this time together.
MK--well, my H was the one who always did for everyone and felt taken advantage of. I think that I may be more balanced (although a bit on the spoiled side, looking back--I thought he did things for me as acts of love, not realizing that he resented it).
But there is a sense of unconditional love, forgiveness and blind faith that I had for him. I don't know if these qualities are desirable anymore, as they lead me to this place. If I had treated him as someone I could loose, rather than with complacency, we may never have gotten here. There is a bit of risk to getting too comfortable, I guess.
I am trying to see all of the lessons in this, as I want to pass on the knowledge to my kids. At first, I was very angry that they might come to see committment as something to hold only as long as it felt good. But I think that there is another piece to this that I missed: staying aware.
