Frank, you are doing really well. I'm way off telling H he has to change too, if he ever wanted to work on the M. I just can't see it but carry on regardless because I am beginning to feel good about myself.
My W is moving out tomorrow. We agreed to spend a little quality time tonight just to be with each other. It saddens me that we can be so "right " for each other but money and lack of financial stability has gotten in the way.
She has said the following: "You will always be special to me" "Some day we should be friends again because I have been angry with you for so long" "I hope you understand why I have to do this" "I haven't said much because I am trying to stay strong"
These are the words that will stay with me after she is gone. We will still see each other often and I hope that with time she will again open her heart to me.
Me: 41 W: 40 D5, S4 Bomb Dropped: 7/8/2007 Status: W has moved out with kids 8/25/2007
We will see each other when I come over to see my D5 and S4. It will be hard at first since it will be all new to us. I will feel better when I am making progress in my financial life since providing for my kids is so important. They end up the ones to suffer and they don't even have a say in it.
It would be easy for me to get angry with her since she is choosing to break up our family but the money situation is so bad and there is still no solution in place. She is also VERY resentful that we did not have a third child due to the lack of money and insurance.
Right now she needs to go her way to begin the process of healing and forgiveness. I need to make the changes to get financial stability and have something to offer. Even still, it may make no difference in our R.
I must keep the faith that God will soften her heart and bring us back together.
Me: 41 W: 40 D5, S4 Bomb Dropped: 7/8/2007 Status: W has moved out with kids 8/25/2007
My W is moving out tomorrow. We agreed to spend a little quality time tonight just to be with each other. It saddens me that we can be so "right " for each other but money and lack of financial stability has gotten in the way.
She has a responsibility also. She is running from it, not dealing with it. Get off this 'blame train' man. If she were a whole person, she'd be helping, not bailing like a 17 year old.
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She has said the following: "You will always be special to me" "Some day we should be friends again because I have been angry with you for so long" "I hope you understand why I have to do this" "I haven't said much because I am trying to stay strong"
Yep, my Wife said all those things too - while she was obsessing over OM.
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These are the words that will stay with me after she is gone. We will still see each other often and I hope that with time she will again open her heart to me.
It isn't closed Marky. It's wandering and watching.
Does anyone here think that too much damage has been done for a WAS to not consider reconciliation? I know in my sitch I have hurt my W so badly that it seems so unrealistic to expect her to see me differently. I have to admit that there are just some things that cannot be overcome by love or time.
When I look back at the nightmare I have caused, I ask myself if I would want me back? My honest answer is...probably not. There comes a point when your spouse has taken so many hits that they determine that it is less painful to leave than to stay.
What I can't believe is that I would be so selfish and not see how much damage I was causing. My W has endured such unbelieveable financial hardship and emotional withdrawal by me that she just gave up.
I have to live with the guilt of hurting my W so much and causing the breakup of our family. I do not consider this posting a "pity party" but an admission of my responsibility and to ask those reading if there is a point of "no return"?
Me: 41 W: 40 D5, S4 Bomb Dropped: 7/8/2007 Status: W has moved out with kids 8/25/2007
markyb, the short answer unfortunately is Yes, it is possible for the WAS never to return, because they were hurt to much.
You basically just described 13 years of marriage, above in your post. The last two years I have really been able to turn things around financially, which in return helped me not to be such a rude ass to my wife. But, I just like you am very worried that I have hurt my wife to much also and she will never want to come back. And sadly I can not blame her.
After today I feel like things may be worse then I thought with her. As far as her being done and wanting to move on with her own life. All I can do is keep applying all that I have learned and continue to work on myself and work on moving on myself. Hopefully with time and my diligence, her heart will change. As I hope is the case with your W also.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
I am asking this as I sit here in a half-empty house and no family here. This is just the first day of her leaving but it seems that if a W would uproot her 2 children and move furniture etc., I would think it is time to accept the end of my M. By totally removing herself and my kids, and her involvement with OM, she has clearly given up and to her D is inevitable.
Me: 41 W: 40 D5, S4 Bomb Dropped: 7/8/2007 Status: W has moved out with kids 8/25/2007
Sh*t markyb. I hate to admit it but, I am glad I am not the only one feeling the same way tonight. I myself just came to the harsh reality that my W will not ever be coming back either. I really do not have consoling advice for you or any explanation to easy your pain as to why your wife would up-root your kids either.
The only comfort I can give you. If you can even call it comfort. Is that you are not alone. Their are others in the same sh*tty situation as you right this very moment.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
My W moved out a month ago. The first few days are lonely like you have never experienced. However, I firmly believe that it is the best thing for your sitch. Space and time man. Unfortunatley, a lot of time most likely.
Your W thinks that there is some dream life awaiting her and the kids and she has to get away from you to find it. What she doesn't know is that she will only find stress heartache and hardship. However, until she moves out, the dream is only a dream. when she moves out the dream becomes a nightmare.
Be patient, work on yourself, work on your financial life and GAL for your own sanity.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
