Hi KML, Thank you for posting! There are more pro's than con's... I have already decided that I do want him in the house. DR also says that it gives you more opportunities and I feel so too.
Originally Posted By: kml
(It's amazing how often those with "no feelings" suddenly find them when they realize they're losing the LBS).
Yes I feel that it will trigger him... it also enables me to show him i'm a woman and not only a mommy. Dressing sexy and going out by myself.
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It's a tough one, for sure. You'd like to encourage his positive behaviors, but taking him back if he's still in the mindset that he doesn't feel anything for you and isn't working on the marriage usually leads to repeat bombs.
He feels very much for me. His best friend told me that DH is scared that when he comes back home things will turn back the way they were. He is very weary of me and scrutinises everything I do even told me he feels it's a trick to get him back.(I had a very high pressured job and we had a newborn and he just lost his mom - I could be bitchy at times and controlling and demanding (yuk) I'm sooo happy with myself now... I feel a sense of innerpeace and truly finding myself) In our last Rtalk he was carefully referring about a new start for us. Wanting a clean slate. I agreed with this and told him the 'old marriage is dead' He was very relieved at that. I think that is part of the problem and why he was so adament on not working on the marriage because it has a sense of trodding along instead of building something new. (do I make sense...???)
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Perhaps you should tell him "gee, H, since you've made it clear you're not interested in working on the marriage, I think it would make my dates too uncomfortable to have my EX living in the building".
At times when I feel the resentment I want to do that and push him away... But it will not help our sitch. It will cause him to retreat. I do not want to push or control anymore by using harsh words (or threats) to get a reaction out of him (that is an old behaviour I threw out of the door!) I feel it's different from going out and him experiencing the feeling when I do. I need him to come to me because I'm such a great, loving, beautiful, funny, creative, lovable, sweet sexy woman!!!!
I feel when he is living here he can pick up the way family life is again. Slowly. I intend to live my own life with DS and let him be. Let him come to me when he wants to come over etc. Ask me if he can join us doing something nice.
I don't see him living in the appartment as a reconciliation but as a step to turn the boat around where reconciliation will eventually follow...
