New and confused

[S.T. _I Made It!]

okay. looks like you made your decision and I believe it was the right one...with the kids.

real quick, on the basement idea...if he plans to have any women over at all, I say no way. That is just going to warp your childrens minds of what a true M is suppose to be like. I know that you may think it okay since you'll both be close to your children, but wow, that's just kinda messed up IMHO.

I also agree you should make plans for the kids, I was gonna say it myself but I got beat to the punch!

Now if you guys are D'd, then if he plans to have them meet someone he's seeing, then that's a different story.

You know, you should be really proud of yourself for how strong you are going thru this. Those were some tough comments from your H. I know my H told me he didn't love me in the way he should and thought he never did really love me, only loved me because I did so many things for him. That he always thought this OW was the perfect girl for him (saw her texts and she cussd like a sailor and what kinda character she had sleepin with a M man! and even had a little girl too) He had dated this girl before me but they never stayed together. So that was really hard to deal with. I really thought we'd never make it, but obviously God had better plans. So my point is that no matter how slim you think your chances might be, you still have hope and you really can only take half of what they say to be true.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

thanks heimlk... that IS a good post. She does however forget to mention NO EXPECTATIONS. I think that is one of the biggest keys to learning detachment and getting thru the sitch.

[Puddle]

Just a quick note, all: His response to my saying no to the kids going rafting was: That's fine, thanks for your candor.

Hmmmm.

Heimlich, yes, I'd read those before. Thanks for posting them. If I had my own mirror, I might post them there.

ST, yeah, when I told my close friend about the basement idea she said, "How modern. Seriously, I don't know what to say to you." I'm glad I've got some time on that one. If things continue as they are now, I'm pretty sure he won't be living here by the time the thing could be done, anyway.

Thanks so much for your fast, thoughtful help today. I needed it!
Take care, everyone.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Glad to hear he was fine with your answer. I'm kinda wondering what he means by thanks for your candor. It would probably help to remember the meaning of the word candor. I'm so blonde. okay, I'm not blonde, but the roots under my scalp must be.

[Puddle]

ST, are you talking about "to shine" as the etymological root for candor?

He sent me an email today saying he wouldn't be home tonight and was going rafting tomorrow, and I replied nicely and added, "Thanks for checking." Wink wink. If he caught it, he didn't respond.

I just read Tiara Boy's post, and it really helped pick me up. We'll be okay, no matter what. No time like the present to be happy---no faking it. : )

[S.T. _I Made It!]

etymological root? okay, I guess I missed that term in college.

so if he was being serious, I guess he is glad you told him the truth, that you didn't want them to go instead of making up an excuse.

I feel really stupid right now. I'm not getting the "Thanks for checking. " wink wink either.

[Puddle]

etymological root? okay, I guess I missed that term in college.

Oh, that's so funny. ST, we're talking right by each other. I thought you meant it might help *me* to remember what it means, not *you*! Too funny.

so if he was being serious, I guess he is glad you told him the truth, that you didn't want them to go instead of making up an excuse.

He's nothing if not serious. Yes, I took it at face value.

I feel really stupid right now. I'm not getting the "Thanks for checking. " wink wink either.

Sorry, that wasn't very clear. He told me "I'm doing this and I'm doing that," and my "Thanks for checking" was a gentle jab because he didn't check, he just announced.

You're not too blond!

[Puddle]

Last night when DH came home he said he'd thought about the respect thing and he could do it. Said he'd do some reading up. I said, "On respect?" He said, "No, I don't need to read up on that. On talking to the kids."

Here's my new dilemma. He went out last night to "check out some cafes" and it's 7:30 am now, and he's not back. He has never stayed out all night. Our oldest crawled out of bed this morning, went to look in papa's bed, and came back to my bed. Later he said, "Where's papa? He didn't come home." I am so pissed off.

I feel like saying to him, "Okay, you agreed in principle that as long as the kids aren't affected, there's no reason to tell them anything. So now you're either being passive-aggressive and pushing it so we'll have to tell them, or you're acting selfishly because you just don't care, whether it's best for them or not."

I'm appalled. Because of the kids, it's going to be hard to give him a breezy "good morning" when he blows in. *#&&$^*#!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

thanks for clarifying that for me! However I have the feeling that your H will think your really thanking him. He probably is clueless to some of the rudeness he's doing against you since he's so self absorbed right now.

My H used to, and still kinda does just announce. I think a lot of men do, and I've always hated that because why can they just do whatever they want and we have to ask/beg to do what we want? They're a parent too.

Hey, I'm going to post a couple letters that I gave to H last year on my thread so if you want to see just for fun or input please do.