In a word: WOW. I just read all 10 pages of you thread and I am blown away by the similarities in our situations. My W is a little less self-destructive than yours and, as far as I know, there's been no A, but everything about your thoughts and behavior pretty well parellels my own. Although I may be a bit worse off than you because I have not been as successful maintaining NC. We're selling our home and so I have to e-mail/speak to her every couple days with updates.
My 2 cents: don't say anything about the Retrouvaille yet, it's not the right time. I'm struggling with this as well right now, it's not easy. But the way I see it is that you have to start a dialogue first, she has to want to talk to you and maybe start to see you as a friend if nothing else. If you don't have that to begin with, she'll reject any idea you bring up outright. But, if she gives you any kind of "in" like "I miss you but I'm so hopeless about us" or "what could we possibly do differently", that's when you bring up the Retrouvaille. Don't bring up DBing or anything else (don't want her to feel intimidated or put down that you've been doing all this work when she hasn't been doing any), just mention that you found out about this thing and it's gotten some great testimonials and it's something we've never tried. That's it.
Me: 32 in OH Wife: 29 in MD Married: 4 years No kids Seperated 14 months
