Thanks lostlove I have been going and going and things do seem to get better,I just wonder if she is taking advantage of it.I guess I won't ever know until the end comes one way or the other.
Quote: I have been going and going and things do seem to get better,I just wonder if she is taking advantage of it.I guess I won't ever know until the end comes one way or the other.
my h turned around before the d and I still face the question....am I being taken advantage of...am I just being manipulated so that he can feel like the good guy who didn't leave his w and kids??
It just seems so hard,she says I am pushing when I asked her out and I enjoy the family time together but we need couples time together I guess I need to just work harder at taking what she offers.She said today that I need to just let whats going to happen,happen.Wow that tells me alot. I just want to know if she is thinking about us.I asked her about sometickets for vacation to a place we have gone the last couple years and all she said is that place is getting old. So I don't know what she is planning now.
Hi Randy, I get a sense that even though you are divorced, you are more in favor of developing a new R with XW than looking to move on and perhaps explore other new relationships. If that is the case and it seems your W is pondering this possibility as well, then why not see what happens, but the key with going with the flow is to drop all expectations you may have and focus on what you have now, keep the positives going, keep doing what brings you closer. As for asking her to move her things out seems like a strategy that works against this goal.
Start considering something different for this year's vacation. She didn't say she didn't want to go with you. She expressed she didn't want to repeat your prior vacation. She wants to do something /go somewhere different. She wants to experience something new... a new adventure.
I agree and no more was said about her moving the stuff out.We had the same ole R talk friday night but I was able to drop it and go on and we ended up just having a good shoot the bull conversation.She invited me to go to the zoo with her and the kids and we did and had a good time. She really treats me just like she always did,I guess I just notice it more now.She just isn't really one of those real pleasant people I guess but I also know she doesn't feel real good right now and is moody.I will keep working and see what happens,I just hope something changes soon.
Why is it that when you aren't getting to spend time with WAS you want to spend time and then when you get to spend time you want more and so forth.I think now that I am spending time with XW but she doesn't know what she wants I am more impatient then when we weren't.how do I handle this and how do I tell if she is using me.I would think that if she was she would expect me to pay for everything when we go out as a family but instead she pays sometimes and I pay others.She still just walks into my house and she says she doesn't know what she wants.
Quote: Why is it that when you aren't getting to spend time with WAS you want to spend time and then when you get to spend time you want more and so forth.
it's like christmas time...you don't think much about your presents til their under the tree staring at you and then when you have to look at them everyday but don't know what's in them you can't wait and start to shake them and really wonder "what the hell is in this one??"
Quote: how do I handle this
by accepting that eventually you do find out whats in them and more often than not the ones you shook the least and pondered over less were the ones you truly appreciated.
Quote: how do I tell if she is using me.
good question...you listed some things that show she's not using you. in what manner do you feel you are being used?? and try to keep in mind there is a difference between serving a purpose (being significant, having meaning) and being used.
Quote: she says she doesn't know what she wants.
and it may be some time before she does know what she wants...
so for now act "as if" the way things are now is good enough.
Thanks lost love, I know deep down you are right and I will give it some time and see what happens.I keep thinking about how nice it would be to find someone that is happy most of the time.Who knows maybe she will be someday.This waiting game sucks but I am the one that chose to stay and play rather than finding a new game.
