One, go find a family-friendly counselor. You wouldn't think that would be hard but we had a guy completely screw us over in January - I'd say he set us back 6 months and definitely contributed to our separation. If we had been going to the guy I've been seeing 100% we wouldn't have separated, or if we had, we both would have agreed to it (wouldn't have happened).
2) Let her move back in, set boundaries and leave her alone - just let her know you're there for her, don't let her use you as a doormat, and give her time and space to figure things out.
The thing is, you know your wife better than any of us, you kind of have to do what she'll respond to. In the meantime, make yourself who you want to be and if she likes it, GREAT!
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
