Plank removed from eye, too late for WAW 3

[Atlas]

Heimlich,

Good signs at the school. I know what you mean about the ring, mine has been off for a little while and at first the scarlet letter feeling was it for sure. Now I can't even imagine putting it on. Keep up the good PMA, it shows on the BB, so I'm sure your doing better then before.

Thinking good thoughts for ya.

Atlas

[Kelley]

Heim,
sounds like you and the W will be seeing your kids alot. My H only wants them 4 days a month as in every other weekend. I asked him last night about taking them for a few hours on a Sat or Sun on his off weekend and he refuses. He is too busy with everything else and OW to have to take his own flesh and blood kids for any extra time. How freaking nice of him. I guess I should feel priveleged that he agreed to take them every other. (very sarcastic) I am glad he cares just sooooo much. He will pay the child support but other than that I guess he is going to be a time deadbeat father. If he can think this way about his own kids, doesn't even make me want him back.

[Heimlich]

Kelley,
Has he always been like that with your kids or is that recent? Just curious. I know that there are some people who just shouldn't be parents, but it always baffles me how you could bring someone into the world and then not raise them the best that you can.

Oh yeah, I detested the idea of being a part time dad and not being there for them, so at a minimum I've got that going for me (I'll see them both a lot). Of course, that means I get to see the W a lot too, so maybe something can eventually rekindle there.

Adjusting child support based on spending a few more hours with them -- I'm floored. That's one of the more selfish things I've ever heard. One thought for you, and I'm sure you've thought of this to, is to make sure that they're OK with they're dad. Not that he's going to hurt them or anything, but more from the point of view that if he's just physically with them because he has to be that might not be good for them either. Don't know for sure about that, but maybe something to think about.

Stay positive. We all have our breaking point for wanting the other back, you sure you're there?

BD

[Kelley]

He has always loved his kids and did spend a little time playing with them but for the main part has been a hands off type guy. He was good when we were together in getting D and S breakfast and getting them off to day care and school. He is with them the same way that he was with me. There physically but not emotionally or affectionately. He told me during the first time we started having our discussion about our R that he likes being a loner but with friends and out, he is mr social guy, life of the party.

It does bother him not being with his kids and I can see it when my D is being affectionate to him but unlike you, he doesn't seem to detest it or he is just bottling it all up inside. He does that with everything.

I am alot closer to my breaking point. I can't stay with someone who protests so loudly when asking him for just a few hours with his kids. He said he would go up and have dinner at his ma's house when she has them at night. His idea now of spending time with his kids is saying hi, doing whatever he needs to do then bye. I can't stay in a relationship based on that is all the affection that I get then being expected to give him all the hot sex that he wants.

I don't think that he will ever realize what is truly important and that is that your family comes first before anything else. Until he comes to that realization then there is nothing that can be between us. He will probably be one of those guys that wakes up one morning when he is 52 and say while, I should have done things different 13 years ago. I should have listened to you and made things work. He is not a horrible guy. he will do anything for anybody but there is just one part of him that is sooo distant. It is like he still wishes that he was 20 again.

[Heimlich]

He told me during the first time we started having our discussion about our R that he likes being a loner but with friends and out, he is mr social guy, life of the party.

To me, that doesn't mean he's any more emotionally connected to anyone when he's doing this. Maybe he feels more 'alive' when he's around a group so that he doesn't have to feel whatever emptiness he has inside.

Wish I could give you something better, but just start making yourself happy. If he comes back, maybe you'll be there, maybe not.

BD

[Heimlich]

Posted this on Atlas' thread earlier, just wanted to see if anyone had any thoughts on this. Trying to make sense out this whole detachment thing.

Quote:
It seems that right before a lot of people throw in the towel, the WA decides that they want to work on things.


Stew,

Quick thought on this, not sure if it's right, but it feels right. It's not quite throwing in the towel it's more of really finally understanding a few things about yourself:
1. I'm really gonna be OK, no matter what happens
2. This M might end (see 1)
3. While I have flaws, I have a lot to offer in my next R (with present S or someone else) (again, see 1)
4. I've done the best that I could to save this R. The door is open, but I'm living my life (see 1)

To me, it's almost like when you really realize for the first time what a doofas/ass/control freak/inconsiderate/insert your flaw here person you were in your M and how that got you to a failed R. But, instead of "Jesus, I was a freaking idiot" it's "OK, I made some mistakes, but I've corrected/am correcting them and I'm going to have a good life."

That make sense to either of you?

BD

[Not Much Left]

H
Like I said on the other thread
Makes sense to me

[PhD_ChrisD]

Heim,

No giving up. Your friends (even those on these BBs), don't quit on you.

I have to appologize for not posting what I think you should and should not be doing, but honestly, I don't know. I have been reading every post in your thread, though. You say your vibe with the W is different. I am one to trust my instincts which is strange coming from a PhD scientist and empericist. However, I am the world's worst controlling man and my W is sick of it. This is my cross that I must bear and I want to fix that problem the most. So I guess my advice to you is to listen to the concensus of OT and the rest and try to ease up a bit.


Be a beautiful butterfly.

--Chris

[Heimlich]

Thanks, Chris, no need to apologize. You've commented quite a bit and I appreciate it.

I have to appologize for not posting what I think you should and should not be doing, but honestly, I don't know.

Me either.

My instinct says that there's hope, but OT, GD, yourself, PUddle and everyone else have provided a pretty good roadmap. Relax, take the pressure off, have some fun, hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.

I've known for a while that I'll be OK. Now that it's happening -- the terms of our D are mediated, I'm moving out -- the realitiy isn't as scary as it was thinking about it. I am a strong person and that's something I had lost over the years.

Still a fat ol' caterpillar, but I'm getting there.

BD

[stewart10]

Heim:

I've known for a while that I'll be OK. Now that it's happening -- the terms of our D are mediated, I'm moving out -- the realitiy isn't as scary as it was thinking about it.

This is good to know. And I am glad you are okay with the way things are heading. I think I will be joining you shortly.

I am a strong person and that's something I had lost over the years.

This is so true for me also. Did you see the post by Tiara Boy. It really drives this point home.

Any movement on the HDTV front? You still contemplating?