How many details of OP did you get, want, need?

[saffie]

root,

I had to know everything and my H was also very giving of information when asked. After a while he understood that even tho' it hurt I felt I needed to know. It was like some right of passage. He realised that by keeping things back he was actually hurting me more than he would do by being open and sharing it all with me. That way I felt included and that he was being completely honest.

I don't know if I would say it set me back. I agree that it made me think about OW a lot and I was thinking about her long after my H had stopped thinking about her himself. It was the reason I ended up here - the fact that I kept fixating on the OW.

However, it was important to me to know the details in the long run. I needed to know the why's and wherefores so that I could arm myself with as much information as possible to help prevent the circumstances that had led to H having the affair existing again - does that make sense.

The only problem with lots of questions I found is that my H's memory could be a bit sketchy at times and so certain things seemed to change - eventually I had to realise that these changeable things were those items that mattered so little to him that he couldn't remember them well which is why the 'facts' varied from time to time - He really wasn't trying to pull the wool over my eyes.

In the long run I feel that it has helped me to know all these things. I don't cope well with unknowns.

I think how much you need to know depends on the type of person you are - it is a very personal thing. I wanted it all out in the open - I did not want to still be thinking and speculating about it all many years down the line.

Saffie