What's up with these confusing statements Sounds like he is taking the easy way out.
Ask him what he gets out of porn/erotica and how is it different than having interactions with you. Just listen and do not counter what he tells you. You will have to modify this question several times and ask it again before you get the whole picture.
One thing that interfered with our sex life was I took a shower before we got together, my W/BB showered in the morning. I was always a bit cleaner/smoother than she was. Some days when we had sex, the ph balance might have been different or maybe it was something else, but after 20 minuets of penetration, the end of my urethra burned a little. I never stated the exact problem to this day, I just kept asking BB to take a quick shower but she said water dried out her skin. Classic avoidant situation. We had timing issues, she was tired when I was ready.
I suspect something is happening in the R or some condition causes your H to take the easy way out. It might be he has so much guilt because he had the A.
Tell him this is a hypothetical/exploratory question. Ask if you had an A would he feel it make him think things were more even? If you do it, I think you need to do this with a MC present.
As a general observation, I think some guys turn to porn/erotica because a real R is more work, it takes time for some guys to plan having sex if the W sets up conditions that “SEEM” excessive to the H.
