I like that he doesn't see you as a threat to his relationship with OW. Keep him in that direction and insist that he's with her. I'm sure in the beginning he didn't see her as a threat to his marriage either. There's a good descrption of how this can happen in "Not 'Just Friends'" I can't remember the exact analogy, but it was described as something like stepping in a frying pan that heats up very slowly, one is not even aware of it, but before you realize it you're stuck in the mist of a boiling pan and can't get out.

I used to see it as a challenge to get my husband to have an "affair" with me while he was with OW. Of course, I had to try and keep a good mental perspective on this because I'm not an "affair" type of person and it did make me feel uncomfortable and used. But as long as I was legally married to my husband I felt it was okay. Once the D was over I'd never be physically intimate with him again. That was where I decided to draw the line.

Keep tantilizing your H (why not?!!! make this harder for him and OW!!!). If he was attracted to you once, he can be attracted to you again. Another thing... try to logically analize what he's getting from the affair and try to be that. My husband wanted a fun and social party girl rather than the happy content safe wife who had never been in a bar and only drank one margarita a year (sadly, I think these are roles his parents had... A wife who was the perfect mom and content housewife, while his father had affairs with fun-loving, party-girls... well... I may have been the perfect mom and predictable housewife but.... if I want to do something, I do it well and no OW is going to out-fun, out-sexy and out-party me!!!! She might think she does it well... but I can do it better!!!! LOL!!!). Anyhow, that was my attitude. I didn't know where it would lead me. I figured, it might not save my marriage, but it was worth a try and at the least perhaps he'd later regret the decision.

Because if you are pretty good... OW will have a lot to "live up to" to make the whole thing worth it. Is she really that great? Is she actually worth him losing the family he created, the daily parenting of his kids, half the assests he has acquired up until a divorce, retirement, savings, etc... All I can say is OP better be worth it!

And the higher your value is, the more she has to live up to! ;\)

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.