Still Tryin's new thread 2

[SuperDad]

Hi ST!

I'm assuming your a christian since you brought up the commandments

Actually the commandments were given to Moses last I checked! I personally am spiritual, but not affiliated with any church.

Jesus tells us if someone takes your coat, give him your tunic also... you know, turn the other cheek. Love your enemy.

Luke 6:27
But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.......If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that....But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back...."

This is a major part of my plan. I have turned the other cheek more often than I can recall and still offer her compassion and am friendly and supportive. I have made no move to take over control of the family finances or cut her off in any way (she does not work outside the home). HOWEVER, I am not trying to be her friend. For example, I do not ask her to join me when I am doing things by myself or going out with friends. On the other hand, if I do something with the kids, I invite her to join (which she does less and less).

Of course you don't need to let her use you.

She is using me and I am consiously letting her do it (at least for now). There are a lot of reasons for my choice, not the least of which is the divorce law in FL. Also, it isn't a bad trade compared to being separated from my kids, even 1/2 time.

So how do you manage to get "closer" to your W?

I actually think we will need to move even further apart before we have a chance to try to get closer again. I am seriously thinking of moving to some sort of "after the last resort technique" or "Ultimatum" as outlined in DR. I am certain that this would cause her to pull away for the time being, but this could be the shock that she needs to begin to take action on her own.

Are you only just being cordial to her and letting her initiate all contact?

I am being cordial, she is locking herself in her room while sending messages on the computer. No real contact other than re. logistics of running a household and raising 2 kids.

Basically a "Do Nothing" strategy with 180s thrown in every now and again, like giving her complements on her new hair style, giving her a light shoulder rub once in a blue moon, or even flirting or telling a joke. I do this completely unpredictably and consiously, but not very often (once a week or so and always something different).

You don't really have to answer all my ?s if you don't want to. Just trying to understand exactly where you stand.

ST, I appreciate the thought that you put into this and am on this bb for exactly the reason that very few outside of this forum (civilians according to Stillme's lingo) have any clue about this topic.

Thanks again for the insight and questions.

SD