He (Gwyn's H) can't help me and that I have to find my peace and decide what makes me happy. He said he also asked himself the same question and he told me that he's never been happier. He has everything in life that he could possibly want except for a happy wife.
I hear this as issuing you a direct challenge. He's saying, "Not only am I not going to do anything about this, I'm not even going to acknowledge that I hear you. Get yourself happy; it has nothing to do with me."
To me this is his bottom line.
Gwyn, this is tough, but I'd read his comment over and over again and understand what he is really saying. If you don't want to walk away (yet), it's time to increase the pressure by stating your requirements. Not in the form of a quid pro quo (If you do/don't do this, I'll do/not do that) but as a statement just about what you require-- then he has to make the decision.
The statement I made to my bf was, "I will no longer be under the same roof with you and any alcohol." Notice I didn't say he had to stop drinking, or even that I wanted him to stop drinking. I didn't say, "if you stop drinking, I'll do this or that." I just made a statement about me. He absolutely knew I meant it. Fortunately, he did stop, right then. That was over three years ago.
Last night we were talking about relapsing and whether if you feel someone is in danger of relapsing, you should say anything. He hinted that if I thought he was in danger of relapsing, I had his permission to say something, but I said, if that were the case and I DID say anything, you would be FURIOUS. He agrees. So I said, I'd probably send you an email, and then I'd be gone. No compromise. This is only a slight digression... the point is that you have to really LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF and determine not just what you want, but what is the bottom line that you will tolerate and make that into a statement about YOU, so that he knows where you stand. Not an easy task, but very clarifying for you.
Think about how you might apply this formula to your sitch.
