need help to win back WAW

[Dom R]

Why do I need to go find myself? Cuz I lost it over the years. I'm no longer the person I used to be. I lost all my friends. I no longer do things fun for myself. I have no life. Being on my own give me a chance to do something for myself for once. Actually force me to.

Fair enough on the "need to do fun things for yourself". But you're missing the biggest "growth issue" here.
If you need to be "forced" to do fun things... then you havent really grown at all. What you really need to do, is learn how to be fun when you are NOT living by yourself. That's what marriage is after, all right? otherwise, you can only be fun when you're not married?

But I certainly do not want her to start filing for D just cuz I refuse to give her space by moving out. You have to remember, she was ready to do that on 8/11. Of course it's not because I agree with the S that she changed her mind. It was my sincere apologies.

Good for you, for recognizing all the factors involved here.

Dave.. i've been reading about peoples marriage difficulties for over a year now.

There are soo many times where the "leaving spouse" tells the LBS, "YOU need to file for divorce".

Why do you think that is? why dont they just file themselves, i wonder?
[my own personal opinion, is that they want the LBS's validation that "yes the marriage is over" before they truely give up on it. and if the LBS does validate "the marriage is over, then they feel MORE justified in leaving the marriage]


more often than not, when the LBS refuses to file themselves... then divorce doesnt happen.

The best reaction that people consistantly seem to have, is along the lines of, "I'm sorry, but I dont believe that is the right thing for me to do; i believe in our marriage".

In other words, not goading the person into doing it themselves by countering "no, YOU DO IT!".... but making it clear in a gentle but firm way, that if THEY want it, then THEY are going to have to file.

Sometimes, the person does file themselves, certainly. but even after filing, it's not the end.
Having your spouse file for divorce is horribly painful. but just "filing" in itself, does not end the marriage.
There's "filing", and then there's "serving the papers", and then theres all the long negotiations, and then after quite a while, there is the "final decree".

only once the final decree is written up, and SIGNED BY THE JUDGE, is your marriage over, and you are "divorced".
and even then... people have recovered their marriage.

Perhaps the MC was trying to cheer you up, and point out that even if you get separated, there is still a strong possibility of reconciliation. But that is a very different thing from saying that separation is the right thing to do, over other alternatives.