Inviting him over for a beer and nice conversation is not anti-DBing. Even seducing him wouldn't be anti-DBing (afterall, you are still legally married... and having an affair with you would probably be pretty exciting to him... how do you think OW got started?...).
Well that is good to know, in the beginning, yes we did go back and forth and him and I had some fun. But he finally said he couldn't continue to do that to the OW. Whatever. He is in the throws of addiction. As crazy as it sounds, I just agreed with him.
Originally Posted By: runningoutoftime
I made little goals... For example, the 1st one was to get my husband to spend some friendship time with me and get his anger to subside. Let him do all the talking and absolutely no relationship talk. If your husband says, "It's over, I'm never coming back," just agree!!! Say, "Of course you aren't coming back. I agree." That way he stops trying to convince you and stops talking about it. Quickly change the subject, ask a different question, stresses at work, things he might be worried about let him talk..... The next goal, was to get him to invite me. I'd very offhandedly invite him over... "I just happened to be... want to meet me?" Eventually he invited me. You have to realize everything was VERY SLOW and GRADUAL.
ok that was sort of my reason for trying to move us past the resentment and anger and onto friends. Yesterday was sort of interesting. He picked up the kids after school since it was his day, I let him know I was getting my nails done and going to the gym and that I may be a tad late getting back. He later texted me questioning me how I am affording it, told him I was able to rework expenses so that I could make myself a priority, and he responded with good for you, high five, as long as you are doing it for yourself. I said, yes I am trying to finally take care of myself. When he dropped the kids back off, he came in, and since I just got back from the gym I asked if I could jump in the shower, he hung out while I showered, even coming in and grabbing the baby as he stood by the shower door crying for me (typical). Since our shower door is clear he had to see me.
He then got a call from his roommate that one of our kids left some of their school stuff at his house, he ran out to go get it, came right back (about 20 minutes). At that point the kids were watching tv (around 6:30) and I made myself a salad. Asked him if he wanted a beer, he said yes. I opened a beer for myself, stood at the kitchen counter and ate my salad and drank my beer and he sat at the kitchen table, and we just chatted. I asked him about his plans for his birthday party on Saturday. He told me he was inviting some of his old friends that I haven't seen in awhile, told him it was a shame I couldn't see his friends too as it would be nice. Told him to bad it would be to wierd, I would love to stop by for a bit, he agreed it would be to wierd. (OW will be there obviously). Told him, well it sounds like fun, hope you have fun. We just sat and chatted and were friendly for about 45 minutes like this, then he got up and said he had to go home.
We talked on the phone a few times after this, about kid stuff. Kids left stuff at his house still, and my daughters birthday is next week.
It was really wierd, but I think he is finally feeling comfortable, seeing that I am GALing and that I am no longer a "threat" to wanting him back. He said all he wanted was for us to move forward as friends. I figure I will do that, because friends is how he developed feelings for the OW, and we will need to start there if there is ever to be anything again.
