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[stewart10]

Hey Atlas:

S is not doing well at all. Just a reminder that he is 2.5 years. He cries all night long. He plays aggresive, and then does the zone out for 30 minute intervals. At night when he cries he won't let me hold him and if I so much as touch him, he hits me, moves away and curles up into a little ball. It is the sadest thing I have ever seen. He is just having the hardes time adjusting.

I am really sorry to hear this. I can only imagine what all of this is doing to him. He must be scared to death. I am lucky in a way becuase we don't have any children, so it is only me that is scared to death. I don't have any advice for you other than to make sure that he feels loved. He needs some stability right now so try and be that for him. This aspect of divorce/separation makes me sick to my stomach. I cannot imagine what it must be like.

Well I kept my cool and I could tell she started being nice, I could tell she felt horrible guilt. She asked what we should do, I swear she is putting out feelers and signals to see where I stand, but I can't put myself out there right now emotionally, I'm sick of getting hit by the stick. I told her that he will just have to learn to adjust and this is how divorce goes.

I think you are right to make her realize the grim reality of the situation. I don't think she has really come to terms with what is going to occur. A little touch here and there of what things will be like may wake her up a bit.

I wish she could open her eyes and see what she is doing to everyone around her. How her selfish behaviors are destructive to herself and our S. I'm not worried about myself, I see what I did wrong and will move on fine, but I really worry about those two, they are going to have a hard time with life and relationships.

This very thing could have come out of my mouth, or anyone else's on this board. The thing is that most WA's cannot see much other than themselves when they are at this point. They care only for what makes them happy. They don't want to be bothered with anything else. I think in a way she may be looking to you to "fix" anything that she is not willing to deal with. That is why she asks what should "we" do.

I am glad you seem to be able to detach. I still have a long way to go in that category. But hopefully I will not be far behind you. I think that a LBS being able to detach is what brings a lot of WA's back around to work on the R. It seems that right before a lot of people throw in the towel, the WA decides that they want to work on things. Hoping that happens in your situation. Great job.

Stew