Am I seperated? Looking for support/advice...

[savingus77]

Thank-you Jules! It is really good to hear - b/c sometimes I don't feel like I am doing so great - so it is good to hear the validation!!

[not an ex yet]

So how did the C sessions go? Wonderful I hope!

[Heimlich]

saving,

Keep it up, you're still early in this, but looks like 1) your H is noticing and 2) you're having a good time. A nice two-fer.

BD

[savingus77]

Thanks! I'm trying!!

My IC session last night went well as usual since I switched to the new guy. H left a note for me when I got home that he was going to his therapy and he wouldn't be home until later. He must have gone out somewhere afterwards b/c he didn't get home until 11:30 - I was already in bed - so we didn't get a chance to talk.

This weekend should be interesting... I have a few things planned for the weekend - not sure what he is thinking.

Oh yeah - did I mention my anniversary is in 2 weeks???!!! 7 yrs - how ironic!!

[savingus77]

So another interesting weekend...

Friday I was off from work and got a call from H around 5ish - since we didn't talk on thurs b/c he went out, he did not know I was off and was surprised to have me pick up the phone - I think he was hoping to just leave a message. He said that he was going to go out for happy hour and that it shouldn't be that late. I went out to get take out for myself and picked him up some as well b/c - but he didn't end up getting home until 2am. Oh well! I am trying to just let these things not bother me. The next morning I said something like "I took a chance on getting that take-out for you b/c I wasn't sure when you were going to be home, but I figured you could eat it over the weekend anyway". He said that he felt bad & that he didn't intend on staying out that late. I said "No big deal, I was out getting something for myself anyway".

Then he ended up telling me about his night and the people he was hanging out with and how he might be getting screwed out of a promotion at work (again!). He actually left his laptop and work and didn't bring it home. I think that is the 1st time since he has had this job that he hasn't worked on the weekends.

I asked him how his therapy went, & he said good and that he has another appt this thursday. Same as me.

I was supposed to go out on Sat. night but my plans got cancelled so I asked him if he wanted to go out & do anything - he didn't come right out and say "no" but I could tell that he wasn't really feeling it, so I just let it go. We ended up watching a movie.

Interesting side note about the person I was supposed to hang out on Sat with - I haven't really hung out with her before, she is someone from work and one of the 1st questions H asked - was is she divorced? He has recently read the book "the secret" - which is about how you actualize things in your life with the thoughts you put out there - & he made some kind of reference to that alluding to the fact if I am hanging out/seeking out people who are divorced, then...

On Sunday, again no plans & both of us were just hanging around the house reading, watching tv etc. I felt like I needed to get out so I was going to go play tennis. I was just going to go find somewhere with a handball court so I could just hit some balls a/g the wall and practice my swing and I got in the car & then I thought I should have asked him to come - I debated it for a minute and then went back in the house and asked him if he wanted to come - he said "Nah". I just said OK & went on my way. Keep in mind that everything I ask him to do, I know he loves to do (play a game, tennis etc) but I think he is purposely not allowing himself to do any of those things with me. I think it may be 2 reasons 1) he does not want to give the illusion that things are OK with us 2) he does not want to allow himself to have fun with me.

We ended Sunday night with our usual food shopping together. He was watching a movie and I said I could just go or I could wait for him and he turned off his movie & said he would come. I then did some laundry & such and said goodnight to him & he said goodnight and that was it.

[not an ex yet]

Hmm, that is interesting about him asking about your friend being divorced.
Doesn't sound like a bad weekend. It really does seem like he is holding himself back by not accepting your invitations. You are doing great just letting it slide if he doesn't accept.
It also seems that there is some progress as far as him making more conversation and letting you know what he is doing. That is good!
Baby steps!!

[savingus77]

So my anniversary is now just 1.5 weeks away - anyone have any suggestions on how I should handle it?

[Heimlich]

saving,

I gave my wife a basic card (hedgehog holdking a flower, blank inside) with a few basic thoughts. I only know she received it because I saw it in her purse while getting our checkbook.

Your H is starting to respond a little to you. Don't chase. Keep doing what you're doing. If it feels safe, maybe suggest a low-key dinner together, but I wouldn't go lavish on gifts or anything.

BD

[savingus77]

Thanks Heim. I think I already know of something that I am going to get him - something inexpensive, but I think it would mean alot to him - somewhat of a symbol.

As for the dinner, I think I am going to play it be ear and see how it goes and maybe mention something during the week next week. I am nervous about this upcoming 4-day weekend. I have thought about going out to visit my sister if I can find cheap airfare just to get away for a little bit.

Last night I had asked H to help me with a work/computer problem I was having and he was really helpful & nice. I was sitting close to him by the computer & it felt so good - it was hard to refrain myself from touching him & kissing him. I never thought that I would not be able to kiss my own husband

The other day he was bent over petting the cat & I walked by to put something in a nearby cabinet and I discreetly touched his butt but quickly turned away as if it never happened - I could see him out of the corner of my eye turn around to see if it was me but I could tell that he wasn't sure if he just imagined it or it was an accident. That is how I have to get my cheap thrills these days I guess...

[Heimlich]

Sounds like a pretty good plan.

I never thought that I would not be able to kiss my own husband

Bizarro world, isn't it?

That is how I have to get my cheap thrills these days I guess...

LOL. That was good for a giggle. Don't think my W would be best pleased were I to honk one of her breasts, would dearly love too though. If I figure out a way to manage to trip and fall onto her while she's taking a shower, I'll share my trick.

BD