Trying to be positive - with hope

[limbo]

So I have decided to post over here, I am going to try and be positive now, I did move here along time ago, but didn’t feel comfortable. Be prepared it will be long!!!!

Brief recap:

1st bomb Oct 06 – H admits he is/was having PA with a coworker, says he loves me and wants to work on marriage; however he falls into a deep depression
2nd bomb Jan 07 – Relationship had continued with ow and H leaves a note stating that he is going to kill himself, had to involve the police and tell his family what had been going on. H in note also mentions about wanting to marry ow
3rd bomb Feb 07 – H call me on cell and states that he has moved out as he is unable to move forward with me, I speak to his sister and she tell me he told them I was in agreement with this, I tell her I had no idea, H goes to stay with his parents however they are less then thrilled and tells him to go home and work it out. H asks to sleep in couch, I say no. Calls the next day and says he wants to talk about the relationship, I agree to take him back and all seems to be moving forward.
4th bomb – Last week

We returned from our holiday(day before) h say he has something to tell me and I won’t like it, he about 4 weeks ago started relationship up with ow again, he doesn’t know why, he thinks he is infatuated with her or something like that, and that he can’t live with us anymore.
I tell him that if that is his decision then I can’t do anything, however I do tell him that I think that he in incredibly immature and only thinks of himself.
At no time has he thought of his children, family or me, and if he thinks life with her is going to be a bowl of cherries he should think again.
I tell him that he is going to lose so much in doing this, and it’s a shame because he will find himself alone one day because she will do this again to him with someone else.
H leaves the house to go for a walk, and is gone for sometime, when he returns he asks me what I want; I tell him he already knows that, that this is his choice.
He says he can’t stay and live with what he’s done, he just doesn’t understand how I love him so much, I tell him because he is my everything, and I made a vow to him, which I still stand by.
He says he wants to stay, so here we are, he is at home and again seems dedicated to the marriage, he has sent an email to ow, which he also sent to me, saying it was over, we have registered for the retrovaille course which we go on in September, he is also looking at vacations for he and I to go on in February or May.

Sometimes I feel this is all so fast, and it scares me, but I have to make the most of it!