You mentioned that you have given your husband heaps of chances to re-commit to a R. If the OW were to end the R, and not your H, would you take him back?
The short answer is yes, but I wouldn't ever have to worry about that. My H's OW will never end the affair. She is not married, has no children, and appears to be head over heels in love with my H (I actually wonder why because he isn't a great catch?). She is out for herself and only herself and she will battle to the end...if for nothing else to say she won. I believe that if OW would have ended the relationship months ago, we would be working on our marriage today. He could not face both hurting her and sucking up his pride to come back, so instead he decided that he already hurt me, so the best option was to hurt me more...he thinks that I would be better off without him. That was the easiest thing for him to do. My husband is addicted to OW; therefore, he cannot get away from her on his own. He has told me that he wished her plane would crash and that he tried to sabotage their relationship so she would leave. Doesn't exactly sound like a great, long-lasting relationship. I give it a few months after the divorce and it will be over.
Especially given that you have children, I would try to work things out with your wife even if the OM calls it quits. I know you probably feel like if that happens, you are her second choice, but given her mental state, I don't think you can think of it like that. It just may be God's way of working things out. If I had children, I would not be getting divorced on Tuesday. I would have given this more time. I pushed him to follow through with the divorce 2 months ago....he would have been fine living in this limbo land for longer...without kids, I wasn't.
Differently than months ago, I would make no guarantees that things would work with him. If the relationship with OW was rekindled after we reconciled, I would be done. Also, I would give myself the option to end the marriage if things were not improving. It would have to be a joint effort. I am not willing to live the rest of my life in a marriage where I put in more after I have taken my husband back after he has had such an atrocious affair.
