as I continue to try and understand men... so any man, including blackfoot, who might read this, please comment:
Im not sure what your asking but Ill take a stab at it,


This, for me, answers Lou's question about control. It's from the book Mojo recommended. The author quoted another expert:
Quote:
By R. Louis Schultz in "Out in the Open: The Complete Male Pelvis:

To live in society, we all require a degree of control. Too much control, however, and we can become automatons. Control is always being right.Control is not letting your feelings influence your life.
If you let feelings influence your life, you wouldnt have heroes, and firemen and policemen and soldiers. I think feelins are great for feeling. I dont T H I N K, they are a good way to make choices. Addiction comes from feeling. Rage comes from feeling. etc etc.
Control is not letting the joy of life be a goal. Control is not expressing your feelings.
How I express my feelings is not to be dictated by anyone, let alone somone who has a completely different chemical makeup then I do. My feelings are expressed. Just because they are not understood, does not mean they are not expressed.
I can be told accurately and honestly what OP feelings would like to recieve, with the good will and positive thinking that it will be given when and where I can, but I will NOT be told how to have/show MY feelings. I LOVE the opportunities technology provides us with seeing whether OP assume the negative or the positive.
ex. w:'why didnt you call me back',
M:'I was taking a nap and had my phone turned off. Did you leave a VM?'
W:'No.'
M:'Ahh- maybe thats why then.'
why does the negative have to be presumed? Why not presume the positive? Its easier to succed when you think you are going to.
Control is being neutral or neuter.
Thats just society and feminism trying to strangle sexuality. Women are extremely receptive.
Control is not being sensual. Control is lessening the enjoyment of sex.
I dont have to enjoy tennis for the exact same reason my partner does. In fact Im more likely to want to play again with someone who beats me, then with someone who cant hit it back over the net.
Removing money from the equation Instructors dont enjoy the activities their students are doing for the same reason the students enjoy it.
Control is not being aware or responsive to the feelings of others, since you are not aware of your own feelings.
I dont call that control, I call that insecurity and being lost in your own feelings and internal voice. Sometimes its hiding, sometimes its cavetime.
Control is always being on an even emotional plane. SOUNDS DELICIOUS!!

A lot of woman's complaints from women about men:

"He's disconnected from his feelings,"
more likely he just isnt mirroring her or reading her mind.
W: I wish my H was like you, you are so in tune with your feelings.
Therapist: No, Im just in tune with yours.
Requiring mind reading is Emotional dictating. Covert contracts would cover this.
Does fidelty fall under a covert contract? If it does, I would be guilty of it, which would explain why I play Relational leap frog. Dont believe in it. anyways, Very Very few women ever correctly read my mind. Ive demonstrated that here, many times. Still requiring mind reading isnt nearly as objectionable as being told what you feel. ,
"He won't let go, he keeps everything inside," Very few men with a WAW are keeping everything inside. Those that do, get their wives back. Likely if he wasnt punished for expressing himself as man, he wouldnt hold back.
, "We have sex, but we don't make love,"
sorry to hear that. I havent 'made love' in...wow, close to 4 years. I recommend some talks that include the phrases ' I would like '-followed by exact and explicit directions and instructions'.
“He won’t talk about sex; he walks away the minute I bring up the conversation.”
He wont talk about sex, or he wont listen to her, poke and prod at his shortcomings and weaknesses? When I hear the phrase 'talk about sex' I think of converstations, not diatribes.


My guess is, as a single male, blackfoot just isn't in love with someone. My ability to fall 'in love' or become infatuated is I suspect nonexistant. My knees dont shake before I go diving, that doesnt mean I dont look forward to it. My palms dont sweat with nerves before I climb, that doesnt mean I dont enjoy the challange.
Why would he relax his control on such a level of intimacy? I dont have intimacy. Sex is not intimate. I had a lot of sex with x, for close to a decade. she didnt know anything about me, ( a fact not disputed, and in fact agreed with, by her) nor did she want to. It is often sensuous or sporting, mutually satisfying, or a friendly gesture. Very few want intimacy. trust me. For example, look at Mojo, or even Hap. She does not want intimacy. She wants a Fun Bonobo, a pirate, a wolf. None of those archetypes say, Intimacy. Thats not a dig. They want someone who feels the same way they do.
Though why anyone would want to be ravaged by a scurvy plagued, lice ridden, toothless, idiot who didnt have the sense to prevent being shanghai'd, who is going to stave your head in after, (or maybe during) he is finished with you (quite promptly I suspect since its been so long), is beyond me.
But hey, no accounting for taste.