I definately see the danger in the e-mails and it concerns me enough to write about it.
Update, I had a long talk with H last night. I just flat out laid in the line. I told him that we're treading on dangerous ground right now and he said he was painfully aware of that. He wanted to know what has caused all of these steps backwards and I told him that because our sex life was non-existant, it has caused me to rethink why I'm still here. He reassured me that he loves me but he didn't need sex. I asked then why are you married? Answer: I love the companionship, the friendship, the closeness, the loving and he also said that he thought I was a beautiful woman, both inside and outside and any man would find those qualities very attractive and would sweep me up in a minute. I told him that most of the things he's looking for in a wife, he could get from his children. If there isn't any intimicy, then there really isn't anything special about our love. I told him that I love him but he has swiped my innocense away, even if our marriage didn't work out as planned, I would always have a suspicious mind from here on out and that I'm angry about that. He understood. I went back to the sex and he said that most wives would love the fact that they wouldn't be bothered by sex. Is that true? Am I different in this aspect? I told him that I wasn't ready to give up and that's why I'm still here. He told me that I need to let all of this go and that's the only way we can ever rebuild. There of course is some truth in that but I'm not wired that way. The past unfortunately dictates the future. Can we learn from the past? Absolutely! He's learned never to do this again, I've learned never to trust again. Now, let me think? Who is in the better position? I know that I'm being pessimistic, but it is how I feel and I'm trying to be for the first time, honest with myself. I mentioned to him that I thought men wanted sex and he said that's probably true, but he didn't need sex. He told me that he was so over this and he wasn't going to talk about it anymore. So, I've laid it out for him and we got nowhere. Now what?
OBTW, I suggested that Ret. He asked me about it and I told him the basics - it's a way to learn some tools to communicate. He didn't think that was a problem. I just looked at him and said, that is a problem - here I am telling you how I feel and you are taking it as the beginning of the end. He can't help me and that I have to find my peace and decide what makes me happy. He said he also asked himself the same question and he told me that he's never been happier. He has everything in life that he could possibly want except for a happy wife.
Okay folks, disect this for me to help me understand where we are headed.
