When to move back in together?

[the girl]

We had a good date last night, though its hard conversing about difficult matters. It is exactly like a very long extension cord that is in a huge knot. We are trying to untangle it to get it to work.

I have changed in a very important way: I hold my tongue a lot. I think deeply about what to say and how to say it. He is a person who hates being told what to do, and has almost entirely refused to fulfill my needs/desires for the past 5 years. So, regarding the issue of trust, here is what I came up with. I wrote this to him earlier this evening.

"How are you planning on showing me that I can trust you again? If you say I shoud trust you, what are you going to do to prove that I can?

This way, he can tell me what he can or can't do. My job is to hear him, and then consider if that is good enough for me. If it isn't, I am just going to say, "I am sorry, but that won't be enough for me now". IF he comes up with a sober list of things he will do, then I will see his seriousness and I can say, "OK. that sounds great. As soon as I really see you doing what you say then we will seriously plan on moving in together again."

In this way I am attempting to gauge his seriuosness without dumping demands and expectations on him, which he has almost totally ignored previously. I am also not telling him what to do. I am asking what he will do. I am also trying to keep my conversation as concise as possible. When I blab on and on it makes no difference at all.

So this is my new technique that I will watch for positive results.

This is like a chess game!

The Girl