I know that you don't sugar coat, and that's one reason I wanted to hear your view on the sitch. I would also like to say that I very much appreciate you taking the time to look at my sitch, and to give so many good insights and comments! Thanks!
I think that I got most of it, and you're probably right in what you say, even though there are a few things that I don't really get all the fine nuances about (I write that down to the language barrier, English is after all my second language). Anyway, the questions I had are first and foremost related to the following:
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He is not the om anymore
I guess that means that he's the Man now, and not the Other Man, or? Right. She divorced you and now he's the primary man, not the "other" man. Sad but true. BUT...he's still not worthy of a capital letter, so we can call him bf
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wife traipsing around TOTALLY oblivious to what her kids are learning from this period of so-called "enlightenment"
I didn't really get that one, but you're right in that she used to be very grounded with a solid foundation, albeit with a belief in astrology... I must tread lightly here and not elaborate. Most know where I stand on this stuff and what I will back it up with, especially astrology however, you have now clarified that "he's wandering the world, and she's at home waiting for him with my kids" - so my first impression of her being on the road with him was mistaken. That being said, like every other single case on these boards, we have to look at what the kids are learning.
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I would call her "lost" for sure
"Lost" as in lost in this weirdness, or "lost" as in lost for me? Or both? Lost in MLC.
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The question lies only in the positioning of the "pieces" and from your ex's mouth (via her note) you have heard it, she's "not there".
I guess you're right, but "only" in the positioning of the pieces. That "only" sounds pretty strong to me It is very strong but not in the way that you imply - positioning and will, that is what it will boil down to. , but I can't really do more than I've just did Agreed . Now she knows where I am and what my position is and the rest is up to her Right again. .
One final question:
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"shacking up" that seems to be on the horizon
"Shacking up" meaning that they are now moving together and getting stable/solid together or? It means quite frankly, that they will soon be living in sin, in front of your children. I do not call that "solid" or "stable". Us rednecks call it "shacking up" ;).
A final word about XOM (now BF). He's quite the character. He calls himself "spiritual peacemaker" and gives massage, organises filmnights, and is soon to go on a quest/walk for six weeks in Spain. He got a calling, and then he responded. He doesn't care about money, responsabilities etc. He doesn't have a job, an income or anything of that kind. He once said to XW - when she broke up with him (for 14 hours) in October 2005 - "give me money for a plane ticket to Europe and I'm out of your life for good". Now he's in Europe... You said a mouthful when you quoted him "give me money...". We have names for men like that here, too....and it ain't "guru", I'll tell you that!
As to my XW's MLC or not, of course I'm not sure, but my theory is that she's and has been for a while. I've read "Midlife crisis for dummies", "Six stages of MLC" and a lot more on this board, and she was behaving exactly in accordance to all those descriptions out there. She also to a large extent went from one opposite to another as to her own life and partner etc. My guess is that she's still in replay (a very long replay) but that is mainly because she's been able to pretend to be happy thanks to all the new age-stuff and - probably most important - that she and her BF have not been forced to live a regular life together.
He's wandering the world, and she's at home waiting for him with my kids...The irony of that is just mindboggling Not so much. He has created himself quite the romantic, noble character. But make no mistake, my hunch is this guy "roams" because he can't hack real life. . She used to complain that I didn't do enough at home (although I did more than most other men I know, I took the night shifts, did all the laundry, put the kids to sleep etc etc etc), all while I was working more than fulltime and she was home looking after the kids (which of course is a fulltime job in itself!).
I don't think there's much more to say about the two of them, but if you want more details in order to better understand, I can of course provide you with that, but for the moment, I can't think of anything more that might be relevant.
Regarding your final recommendation to look after myself, be close to the kids etc, that's exactly what I'm trying to do. It won't be easy, but I don't really have any options, and if I do that and do it well, it doesn't really matter in the long run if I get her "back" or not. EXACTLY
Question is if I'm able to stand all the pain in the meantime, but hey, who said that life (especially with an XW in MLC) was going to be easy?
