Let's deal with some more manageable issues to start with.
You don't want to file the dissolution paperwork because you want to save your marriage. Yet you think you HAVE TO file them, because you don't want to piss off your wife. Think about that. Obviously if you file them you won't have a wife to piss off anymore. So, don't file them.
Tell her that you got them, and that you don't want to file right away. That you know you agreed to it in the heat of the moment, but you're not ready. Talk to her about a retreat weekend, or some kind of visit, any alternative course of action. Whatever she is willing to do, agree to it.
She very well may have filled out the papers as a bit of a test, to see what you would do. If you file them, you are saying you really want to be divorced. Otherwise it's more of a wake-up call.
Don't assume she will really be angry if you don't file.If she gets so pissed off about you not filing the papers that she hires a lawyer and files for divorce, then you will know that she is pretty far gone. But I doubt that, since she is still sending mixed signals.
This board isn't a confessional, nor is it meant to resemble the Spanish Inquisition. I do think, though, that you need to have some ideas about what would really be different if your wife came back. And at some point, you'll need to validate those ideas with your wife--maybe in marriage counseling, or at a retreat, but you do need to have a handle on it.
Good luck--I think you have a good chance if you can get to a real dialogue with your wife.
