Trudging up hill

[ediemarie]

It's true that our H's are similiar - I noticed that while reading your sitch.

I'm not convinced that his A is completely over. He says it is. As far as I can tell there hasn't been any contact, but who can tell for sure? He says he hasn't contacted her - but...well...who knows?

"Did he end it on his own?"
Good question. The short answer is yes. He did end it on his own. He has told me several times over the past year that he has ended his R with her. He told me in September, but continued to call her/chat with her at work, he told me in December, but then spent the night with her, he called her on Valentine's Day, and then told me in March that he had a R talk with her and told her that it was completely over. Things between us were getting better between April and July and then he started missing her/going through withdrawal. (they teach together so he was still seeing her everyday up until the end of June even though the R was "over") July was rough b/c he told me he no longer wanted to be married to me, and then he spent a few weeks in and out of our R. He eventually left me for her, spent 1 night with her, woke up and decided that he just didn't want to be a divorced man and his R with her would be "tainted" if they actually got together. Within 24 hours he was back home. That was at the beginning of this month.

He seems to be doing so much better. I think he's gone through the withdrawal process and he's dealing with his crap. We're looking forward to Retrouvaille in September but I am really concerned that if he goes back to his same school in September he's going to see her and completely backslide...tough stuff!!

He still isn't 100% in this marriage, but I'm trying to be patient.

"If only I had started this months ago!!!"
The part of this process that has helped more than anything else has been detaching. That has been a godsend. It really has allowed me to let him own his own crap and has completly relieved a lot of the stress I had been carrying around. I only began detaching recently. I can't imagine what it would have been like if I had never been attached to him in an unhealthy manner. I feel so much better. I used to look to him for such approval and that is so not like me. I really lost who I was in my marriage. And that's WITHOUT kids. I can't imagine how all you Moms do it!

Thanks so much for stopping by!