Frustrated and More Saddened #3

[Heimlich]

Stew,

It's going to be alright, man. I promise.

I can tell you forgivness is possible, you have to truly forgive in order to move on.
I was the last person in the world you would have thought would tolerate an A, I was always one loudly saying it would be over right away they would be out without a doubt!!! But here we are...

Limbo is dead on on this. I was discussing with my best friend that if my W was having an A, that would be it for me. Literally five hours later she told me she had been having one. It takes a while to get over the pain and hurt, and I was helped that my W did try for the sake of our M -- and ended the A. But it's hard to get there, not going to lie about that.

It doesn't have to be the end, but I agree that if she does confess to an A that for you to continue to work on the M, she has to end it. I wouldn't have been able to hang in while waiting for her to decide. Others have different levels of tolerance for that. Figure out what yours is. Also, at this point, you're in such turmoil you need to seriously consider how you're going to approach her about this. I don't see you not doing so. Whether that's DBing or not, if you can't handle the uncertainty, well, you have every right to get it cleared up for your own sanity.

I just feel so far away from the person that I am. I know that I am the only one that can get me back to being that person, but my path is clouded right now. It is tough to see the way.

I know it's hard and we all feel our way on this one alone in many ways, but you've got to start paying attention to YOU. You've been allowing your W to dictate your moods alot. You've done a lot better job recently GALing. Keep it up. Don't wallow in your fear and anger. Accept it and try to move through it. It's going to take a few more days to feel on a somewhat more even keel, but it'll come. Try to watch something funny, the NFL, run, etc. Do anything you can think of to turn your mind off.

But it has basically reduced me to nothing. I am no longer the same person I was. I have been so worried about her for so long that I have not realized that my well being has deteriorated.

You've got to stop worrying yourself to a nub. This is scary stuff, but you can't control her choices. In many ways, this isn't about you. It's about her. Don't blame yourself for the A. That was HER decision. Not yours.

I have plenty of friends who married the first guy they shagged, never new the joys of going to nightclubs and dancing the night away. Most of them hit some point where they had to see what that was all about.

WAW/Stew,
There was alittle of this in my W's A. One of the reasons she gave was curiousity. That one hurt, but I could understand it -- even though, well, let's just say that given free reign of my imagination she would have had no reason to BE curious about anything

Seriously, it'll get better.

BD