Dave - if you go over to Piecing you'll get some good stories. Have you read Jen_Jam's tips? She's another success story and her tips are excellent!
It's funny... I almost feel bad even saying this (knowing what pain you're in as a newcomer), but now that I am where I am, I realize that our sep wasn't long enough. Sad huh? H didn't get the space he needed, and I wasn't strong enough in the "new" me at that point. So when he came back, we both fell into the same bad patterns sooo easily. I hesitate to say I've made it. I'll say I think I have another shot, but I have a feeling it'll be a loooong time (at least a year, maybe longer) before I feel more secure again. But I do have hope that we'll get there.
And then again, maybe we wouldn't even be trying at all if he'd been gone longer... it's just so hard to say.
As for getting through the sep - the best thing I can tell you is to find yourself again. Do things you missed doing, or try things you always wanted to try. Make some new friends, reconnect with old ones. Force yourself, if you have to, but do it. In the beginning a lot of things felt just fake or surreal to me, but it will get better.
Focus on all the stuff in your life that IS going well. And when you get sad, pissed, all those other emotions - let yourself feel them. Don't look to your W to solve it or even express any of it to her right now, though. Find others you can rely on (or come vent here, we all understand). Don't wallow in it, but it's ok to feel that stuff sometimes.
Also always try to remember that it's your choice. You can feel so out of control during this, like you have no choices, but the truth is that you do. You choose to stay on the rollercoaster... or you choose to detach and watch from a distance.. or you choose to give it up and move on. You may not like all the options available (since the one option you want is out of your control), but just keep remembering that it IS the choice you're making.
Oh yeah, and the one that killed me in the beginning - have NO expectations of your wife. It's harder than you'd think.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
