I will post on other threads tonight. I haven't had time to catch up on anyone's sitch, let alone post much on mine.
Thingsa are going well. Kids are getting better, thank goodness. H and I are getting along great, although my mind still plays some games. I still ask him sometimes if he's still happy, or still in love with me. I guess things go so well sometimes that I find it hard to believe how horrible it was a couple of months ago, so I ask him questions so that he can calm my fears. Gotta stop that.
Today H got an email from EA from last year while he was deployed. It came on our home email. Funny, because this morning b/4 I checked the mail (before H went to work) we spoke about how great I felt it was that she hadn't bothered us. So, the email was just a forwarded message that she sent a bunch of other people but it still bothered me to see her name. Brought up all of the crappy feelings that went along with the "bad" times. I don't know if I will tell H about the mail or just delete it, any ideas? He had told me that she doesn't contact him at work, she just has the home email. Skank. That's all I can say about her. Skanky B#$%&. We hadn't gotten anything from her in MONTHS. She must be having trouble with her H again and fishing for men. Most of the people she sent it to were men. UGH. Let it go, let it go....
Another strange occurance. Someone from my past has been calling, all the time. I had dated someone b/4 H and I got together. This person and I ended up being great friends after our dating ended. Yes, we were intimate (a LONG time b/4 I met H). So, this person and I had stayed friends, in touch with Xmas cards, and a phone call maybe once a year. Last time I spoke with him was while H was deployed, almost a year ago. Anyway,
At Xmas I got a card from him saying thanks for pics. of kids (I always send pics of kids w/cards), and he gave me his new number and email address. Well, the card came during the time H and I were trying to work on our R and H said he "didn't care" if I stayed in touch. I didn't.
Got a phone call from this person about a month ago, I never called back. Spoke w/H about this (after H recommitted to R and was in love w/me again). H said he didn't feel comfortable with me keeping in touch since I had been intimate w/this person. I had no problem with that since I asked H not to keep in touch with EA, and girl from b/4 he met me (if you've followed my sitch, you know about that). So, A few days ago, H got hung up on, uh oh. He did *69 and the number came up as one we didn't know. We just blew it off. Then, he called again on the machine, I never called back. So, this morning after H and I were intimate, the phone rang, I thought it might be someone from H's unit since calls have been frequent since the war started. It was 6:25 am, and it was him. So, I kind of blew him off and he said he was going to call later.
First, I don't understand the frequency of the calls, and I also don't know how to tell him that I don't think it's a good idea we speak. Any ideas? I really don't want to hurt anyone, but I need to let this person know. HELP!
"Friend" called. I told him that "I don't think it's a very good idea that we talk because I'm trying to work on my marriage". When I spoke to him last year when H was deployed I told him a bit about what was going on w/H and his EA. Well, he didn't waste anytime throwing it up in my face.
He said he knew my H didn't want us to talk and "how dare he tell you not to talk to me when he was F%$%ing that B$#%^ in Cuba last year". I told him that I didn't think H was unfaithful in that way ever, and that it was just an emotional affair that we have gotten past. He said "I don't care what he says, there's no way he treated you like that and didn't screw her". So, he ended up yelling at me, telling me he couldn't believe I was going to let H dictate who I could be friends with, etc. He said he felt like my kids were his family, he's got their pics. up on his fridge, he's never met them in person. He said that this happens all the time to him when he has friends that are girls. He said their boyfriends or husbands don't want him to be friends with them, and "I can't help if your husband is so F'ing insecure that he can't handle you being friends with me". I told him my H was not insecure, I'm trying to work on my marriage and I was going to do what my H wanted me to do just as he did what I wanted him to do to save our marriage. Nothing is more important. So, he hung up on me after saying "well, I called, if you don't call me, or see me when you get back to the east coast, so be it".
Well, I feel ok about losing the friendship because he obviously doesn't support my marriage. But now, after hearing a mans point of view about my H's EA, I'm thinking that maybe it was a PA, even though I've let it go and I truly believed my H that it wasn't a PA. UGH. I'm so upset right now.
Jill - First: it doesn't MATTER if it was a physical affair or not, the betrayal is about the emotions anyway, so just let it go. Doesn't change a thing.
Second: old friend is WHACKED and I'd stay absolutely as far from him as possible. This is NOT how a friend behaves. And I believe it IS inappropriate to have friends of the opposite sex unless they are also friends with you as a couple - just bad policy, as you and H have learned.
Third: Tell H all about it AND about the email from OW, make sure he knows you did nothing to encourage this guy and find his behavior disturbing. Can lead to a healthy discussion about how NOBODY of the opposite sex should be in your lives who can't be invited to the dinner table with both of you.
Quote: Well, I feel ok about losing the friendship because he obviously doesn't support my marriage. But now, after hearing a mans point of view about my H's EA, I'm thinking that maybe it was a PA, even though I've let it go and I truly believed my H that it wasn't a PA. UGH. I'm so upset right now.
first off before I even got to the question you are now pondering...I was thinking gee how much better off you'd be without an inconsiderate "friend" like this guy... anyone who would talk to you like that is NOT your friend.
of course he is going to put it in your face the ow and of course he is going to try to may you doubt what h tells you about it being an ea..this man is trying to make h look bad...make himself look good...but all he's doing is making himself look like a little boy.
don't take his opinion as a man to mean anything...my h too had an ea and I question it at times...I talked to plenty of men and some take the sterio type and say yup something was going on and others say not neccesarily so.
don't doubt your h based on what an occassional "friends" opinion might be.
Wow, long time since I've been on! Well, lots to report. Hope you are all well and happy!
Both of my daughters are doing well, thank goodness! Older daughter went back to school today, she was very happy. She came home with a cut under her eye. She's only 3 so we are having a hard time figuring out what happened. She says ten different things about it, lol. Younger D is happy, walking, talking so much more.
I had a rought time last week with older D. I lost it on Saturday, had to walk out of the house (H was with kids). I cursed and said "I can't take this F'ing Crap", I can't believe I flipped like that, but older D has become such a handful, just wants to control everything! Anyway, I have never done that before and felt terrible about it. H and I talked about it, he tried to offer tips, he's always so calm, my opposite, lol. I decided that if I NEVER got upset, flustered, etc, I wouldn't be normal, but I think I went too far the other day with the language, and I need to find a happy medium with her, so that's my present goal.
Anyway, today is my birthday. 35 years old. I've been upset about it, I also have PMS, so maybe all of this attributed to blowing up about daughter?
H has been so loving. He sent an email Friday saying how he loves me so much, can't wait to get home from work to hold me, etc. When he got home, I said "Did you get orders? Are you deploying?" He said "No, why?", I said "then why were you so mushy? (laughed when I said it)" He's never that mushy, lol. It was nice to read. Also, he has been so great all weekend. He took out for dinner Saturday night, and then we walked around in Borders. Sunday he made me a cake, and tonight we had dinner, he cooked, and cake. It was very nice.
I am so happy with our life right now. I joined the Enlisted Spouses Group and I will also be involved in a book club that I suggested to the president of the group. I go out about once a week, or once every other week alone, just to get a break and do things I like. H goes golfing once a week also. So, we have come a long way! Just wanted to post and say hello. I'll post to other threads soon. Jill
I am guessing that you are either Army or Marines and you are stationed where I would love to be ( Brat ).
I just got done reading your post. I am not piecing im just trying to find some hope in my sitch through people like you. Im Army stationed in Germany and having a very hard time with my Marriage.
Sounds like you guys are on track for a wonderful marriage, keep up the good work and even if your not Army I will still come and check up on ya.
Hi Jill. Glad things are going well and everybody's getting better!
As for your daughter - I highly recommend a book called "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Kurcinkas. Great insights about personality types combined with real practical nuts and bolts advice on dealing with certain things. Enormously helpful.
Hi everyone. I feel so badly about not posting on other threads, but it seems like I never have time to do anything anymore.
H is gone again for 2 weeks, this time to a slightly dangerous place. I'm a little worried, but I know he'll stay safe. He can't call me, so I will just pick him up when he comes home. I'm very thankful that it's only 2 weeks. I have been praying so hard that he will keep doing these little trips, so that he won't be deployed for 6 months to a year. But, suprisingly, I think if he was gone that long, we'd be FINE! We've come so far from where we were a year ago before he was deployed.
I still have some issues that I'm working on, but I'm coming along.
Lately, I just want to spend time with the kids, and crash at night when they go to bed! I'm so tired after spending the day with them. My 3 y.o. D thinks she rules the world. She's very "spirited". I must thank Ellie for recommending the book "Raising Your Spirited Child". I feel like they wrote it for me! Each day is a screaming match in my home with her. She screams sometimes for no reason. Ugh. But, we are dealing with it, the book offers some insight. Also, when her daddy goes away, she gets pretty upset.
Well, I'll post more when I can. Hope you are all doing well. Jill
