Inviting him over for a beer and nice conversation is not anti-DBing. Even seducing him wouldn't be anti-DBing (afterall, you are still legally married... and having an affair with you would probably be pretty exciting to him... how do you think OW got started?...).
The main thing is to keep your expectations to ZERO. You need to do that to protect yourself, and if you are being good friends and intimate it's very very difficult (I know! Been there, done that!!). It times it can be very very emotionally draining and you may go through a lot of crazy feelings. On the other hand, I always figured my husband felt the same way, and would be just as pulled and confused... and that's where I wanted him.
I made little goals... For example, the 1st one was to get my husband to spend some friendship time with me and get his anger to subside. Let him do all the talking and absolutely no relationship talk. If your husband says, "It's over, I'm never coming back," just agree!!! Say, "Of course you aren't coming back. I agree." That way he stops trying to convince you and stops talking about it. Quickly change the subject, ask a different question, stresses at work, things he might be worried about let him talk..... The next goal, was to get him to invite me. I'd very offhandedly invite him over... "I just happened to be... want to meet me?" Eventually he invited me. You have to realize everything was VERY SLOW and GRADUAL.
A later goal, and remember this took a lot of time... many months. Was to get him to question his decision. Before actually changing one's mind they have to question the decision first. And that takes a lot of groundwork (like friendship, lots of positive interactions). You may not be able to get there, and he may never question this or change his mind. But you have nothing to lose in trying.
One thing to keep in mind.. important. Avoid relationship talk and agree with every crazy and ridiculous thing he says. Don't forget this!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
