Plank removed from eye, too late for WAW 3

[Heimlich]

OT (and everyone),

Thanks, I didn't mean to sound defensive or anything. I think better when I write something out, so a lot of me responding to you is getting my thoughts down and out of my head for me to look at here in the future. You hit on some things that I think but don't focus on. Responding here clarifies things in my head of why or why not I feel the way I do.

Quote:
In my head I know that in a month, I'm going to be sitting in my undies and eating cheetohs wondering what the hell happened. I'll vent here (for those of you with weak stomaches, I'll refrain from sartorial details).


Write yourself a new reality and work towards that! (unless you really like that image...)

Nikki, That did sound pretty bleak, wasn't intended that way. I figure I might have one or two nights when I have a bit of a pity party for myself. Don't plan on that being the bulk of my life. Anyway, I like sitting in my undies eating cheetohs

I've found a gym I'm going to join, though there's one other I still want to look at. Going to start rugby in a few weeks and dance class continues for another 5 or 6 weeks. I'll be getting out and about.

Oddly enough, what's bumming me out about moving is that I won't be able to grill. Against the law to grill on a balcony. Though I might get a small hibachi and hope no one notices.

-- it is better for both of you if your space is cleanly your space.

W can bond with you on other stuff. Keep your place safe and clean from her influence

She only gets to touch the girls room. I'm really looking forward to being able to put my stuff wherever the hell I want to. Getting to GD's point, we asked the girls tonight (took them to dinner) and they'd like their mom's help. I've generally got a pretty good finger on their pulse, but you're right, GD, I shouldn't assume.

My statement was contradictory. What I meant was that I had asked for her help about picking out a bunk bed and maybe a dresser or something for the girls' room; not to decorate the room (though I did assume correctly that they would want mama to help with that).

Also, if the girls do say they want W to be involved, this makes asking the W to help ALL about the girls and NOT about you at all.

THis is what I expected to happen and it happened. All good, though I did do it back-asswards.

Only if you deny EVERY offer or maybe even the majority of the offers. Heim, if she really wants to reinvest in an R with you, she's going to likely be forthcoming with it. Also, like OT said, it isn't going to happen overnight. And, like you said, she knows the door is still open. She's not going to think you're cutting her off at the knees simply because you'd prefer to do things once in a while without her. That's part of separating, and she has to understand that. If it makes you feel more at ease, simply tell her that you need to do things without her now and then in order to adjust to the new living situation, and for the separation to be helpful, beneficial, and meaningful. She will respect and understand this, esp if you do it in a sincere manner. Be happy, confident, cool, and calm about it. Show her that you are strong, but still caring.

GD, thanks for doing my thinking for me I really needed to hear something like this.

But, why move to separated? Your W is having an A. Infidelity is probably a better fit.

That's in the back of my mind as well. Of course, legally, it's an A, in reality, not sure it is at this point. Regardless, I'm still chewing on this one a little (OK, a lot) and don't know which way I'm going to go if I find out, for certain, that this is true. My operating assumption at the moment is that, at a minimum, she's going to see him fully once we separate, if she isn't already.

Hope this helps, brotha -- I still think you're struggling quite a bit on this notion of detaching (though it is a pretty gray area overall).

Definately helps and this detaching thing is a bit like I always imagined limbo to be back when I was Catholic. All gray and hazy, no clear edges, and no clear idea what boundaries were where. Think I'm heading in the right direction, finally, though.

And thanks for the validation, OT. I really could feel it in your post, just trying to get out some more of that humor of yours. I'll keep trying -- ZAP!

Took the girls to see the outside of the apartment after dinner. They're a little nervous, as expected, but we're both reassuring them that we're going to see them a lot (I'll see them anywhere from 9 to 12 days a week; my W 7 or more) and that if they ever want to see the other parent, all they have to do is ask. They're excited about the bunk beds, which is kind of funny. Also excited that they have a bathroom attached their room and won't ahve to walk down the hall to pee in the middle of the night.

You folks rule. Thanks again.

BD